


An Unexpected Ally

by lovedbyshadows



Series: from titans to men (who are the real monsters?) [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Also Human Eren, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Romance, F/F, Family, Friendship, M/M, Male Slash, Past Torture, Science Experiments, Slow Burn, Titan Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2018-11-20 04:21:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11328489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedbyshadows/pseuds/lovedbyshadows
Summary: He screamed with excitement as he flew through the trees gripping the silver sticks tightly in his hands. It had taken him a few months, but he'd done it. He was thrilled. Now he could be like his human. He could help rid the world of his brethren. He could finally see his human up close. With his new body no one would notice him. He would wait for his humans pack to venture outside of the safety of their walls. In the meantime he would make the world safer. He would kill all the titans he could. Every last one.





	1. eins

In a forest just outside of Wall Maria, on a mountainside resides a cave that was extremely tall, but only ten or so meters deep. In its dark shelter, a fifteen-meter titan lay curled up in a bed of dried leaves, it's deep but gentle snores filling the cave with a strange but soothing atmosphere. Feeling the sun's light warm his skin, he stirred. After stretching the creature slowly sat up fully, swinging his legs outside of the cave nonchalantly as he took his time to fully wake. The behemoth released another yawn as he unshielded his piercing and bright green eyes that glistened like emeralds. The creature took another stretch; reaching upwards to stretch and to run his large fingers through his hair before relaxing.

The titan let out a puff of steam as he prepared to get up. He wanted to go play in one of his favorite streams. The water had always been fascinating to him. Especially the fish. He loved watching the sun's rays reflect off their silver scales. Keeping these thoughts in mind he set off. It took him a short ten minutes to reach the closet stream. Purring, he lay down on his broad chest and let his left hand play in the water. He played for what seemed like hours before he heard it. The whirr of the flying humans. Unfortunately, that meant he would have to retreat to his shelter less he wanted to risk his life.

He released another puff of steam as he got up. He had to hurry. The humans were getting closer. Luckily he had much more endurance than his evil kin and could last six to seven hours into the night. That would give him an extreme advantage as it was dark now. Sighing once again he started to his home. Every now and then he would see a few deer leap through the trees below him as he walked. A sound of pleasure, resembling a purr, rumbled through his chest. He loved the forest - especially the wildlife that resided in it. Shaking his head to clear it the beast continued on his way with great care his right hand gently cradling his sensitive nape. He knew from observation that it was bad for his kind to be struck there with the silver sticks the flying humans always seemed to have on hand.

When he finally reached his home he climbed into his nest. Slowly he settled into his leafy bed and closed his eyes. For a while, he just listened to the sound of the small black winged rodents that lived with him leave until sleep overcame him. While deep in slumber he had a dream. In his dream, he was a human and he had a name. Jaeger was the last one - he couldn't catch the first. That didn't really matter, he would remember it though, what really mattered was he had a family. A mother, a father, a sister, and a best friend on top of that! He wished he could have that in his reality. He wanted it so badly. He could have it, but only if he was human. If he was human...

~~~~~~~~~~

When he woke up he noticed something was different about his home. It was huge. Had he shrunk? That was impossible! He'd never seen this happen to any of his monstrous brethren. This must be another thing that made him special and unique. The thought made him keen in satisfaction. He loved being different from his evil kin. It meant he could protect his flying human. The fastest one, that twirled in the air, like an angel of death. His precious flying human. He adored him. Humanities Strongest the messy haired one called him.

Pushing thoughts of his human aside he decided to observe his new body. Looking at his hands he noticed they were very small compared to his other forms. Same with his arms, legs, and feet. When he felt his face he noticed that there was now flabs of flesh covering his teeth. Just like his human! He then felt around with his tongue to check his teeth. They were the same, serrated like before. Moving along, his hair was shorter and his ears were only slightly pointed. Just enough to be noticed, but overlooked. All in all, he figured he looked like a human child. No, he was still too big to be a child. Either way, he was too short to be an adult human.

There was a new appendage on his body between his legs. He faintly remembered seeing the same except bigger on a few dead humans so he decided it was normal. He didn't want any thought of it to linger - it scared him a bit. Content with his inspection he went to go rummage through the human trinkets he had collected over the years. Grumbling to himself he sifted through it until he found what he was looking for - cloth. For some reason, humans, especially his human, liked to cover their bodies with it.

The titan turned human hesitated slightly before he pulled the cloth, actually a man's shirt, over his head. Knowing from watching his human that he'd done something wrong he pushed his arms through the strange openings at his side's. Humming he nodded. It looked right. He was just missing the strapped white cloth that was worn on the lower half of every flying human. Seeing that only the upper half attire fell down to his knees he decided he didn't need it.

Happy with his labor he purred. A gentle sound then caught his attention. It sounded like the lake outside his cave only slightly duller. Pulling himself up to walk to it was hard. Walking was also, surprisingly, a struggle. He wasn't used to these tiny legs - seeing as he'd been a titan all of his life. Gritting his teeth he bore through it until he could walk without difficulty. Proud of himself he felt his lips curve upward. Confused and concerned he lifted his hands to his face and found that the flabs of skin covering his mouth were set in a straight line. Shrugging it off he continued onto to his lake.

When he reached it he peered over the bank and observed his reflection. With a chirp, he noticed he looked exactly like the flying humans he'd caught glimpses of - albeit shorter. Still taller than his human he noticed with no small amount of amusement. The only thing that had stayed exactly the same was his eyes. This made him happy. He'd always loved his eyes. They were always clear and full of emotion. Completely different from his kin as they're eyes were clouded and blank. Now that he looked human he needed a name. He'd borrow the one from his dream.

"Jaeger," he mumbled. Speaking was easier than it was in his titan form. That was a pleasant surprise. Now he could talk to his human. He just needed to widen his pathetic vocabulary. He'd have to steal some books from the flying human's depots. He was lucky he could read. His "father" had taught him.

Jaeger decided he liked his new form. It was a gift to him. Although he couldn't hunt his wicked kin like this. He sighed at the thought before realizing with a start that he could. He'd just do what the flying humans did. He had everything they did. Even the sharp silver sticks they used to kill his kin. It could work. He'd just have to train and train hard. Feeling his lips curl upwards again, filing it away as a way to express happiness, he ran back to his nest.

Although he tripped a few times on the way he made it there relatively unharmed. His scrapped knees healing quickly. He was a bit upset that his wounds steamed as they healed, but he figured it didn't really matter. Going back to where he kept all of his human objects he started to search them again. It took him only a few seconds to find what he was looking for. The strange silver contraption that gave the humans the ability to fly. Dragging it out into the clearing outside of his nest was easier than he thought it would be. It seemed he'd retained a portion of his titan strength.

Ignoring that newfound information he focused on the task at hand. He needed to figure out how to strap the contraption to his body without the vined cloth the humans wore on their lower half. He knew this was going to be nearly impossible to figure out so he decided to make do with vines of his own. After inspecting the contraption thoroughly he went to work. It took him more than a few tries to strap the contraption to his body, but he figured it out.

Breathing in deeply he decided to try it out. Pulling the trigger he shot off. Unfortunately, he couldn't balance and fell back to the earth. Shaking his head he got up. He had to find a way to teach himself how to balance. He sighed tiredly. This was going to take a while. He would do it without complaint though. If he wanted to be like his human then he needed to learn this.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jaeger screamed with excitement as he flew through the trees gripping the silver sticks tightly in his hands. It had taken him a few months, but he'd done it. He was thrilled. Now he could be like his human. He could help rid the world of his brethren. Just the thought filled Jaeger with a warm joy that spread throughout his whole body. He'd do it just like his human. Without his titan form to help. He still needed to figure out a way to transform back into his titan form now that he thought about it. Deciding to ignore that for now and focus on his success Jaeger whooped in joy. He could finally see his human up close. With his new body, no one would notice him. He would wait for his human's pack to venture outside of the safety of their walls. In the meantime, he would make the world safer. He would kill all the titans he could. Every last one.


	2. zwei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a cesspool of death. Titan were everywhere, the humans trenches and spikes doing little to stop them. Humans were screaming in terror and pain as they were ripped apart. Their blood coating the streets and roofs of their human homes. The smell of everything he could imagine was overwhelming and he choked on it.

The landscape was covered in a blanket of ice and snow, gracing the world with coldness. The cold times fascinated Jaeger, even more so than before now that he was in his new form. As a human, he could see everything up close with little to no effort. The lush and green forest in which his cave resided had transformed in the colds wake into a vast, colorless, and dead earth. Yet, there was still life in the nothingness. It gave a tranquil feeling to the world.

There was one thing that was troubling Jaeger despite his calm surroundings. His human, along with the human pack that seemed to follow, was nowhere to be seen. Jaeger hadn't heard, seen, and/or found his scent among the trees and plains surrounding his home. He was upset with this fact, but he understood. It was cold and most creatures couldn't live in the cold. Jaeger could, but he was a case of special circumstances. He still thought it was strange and it didn't help the growing ball of anxiety forming in his stomach.

Jaeger stood at the tree line of the vast forest he lived in, in one of its tallest trees, overlooking the plains in search of his human's pack. He was eager and, even if his human didn't show up, had a job to do. The titan turned human was pleased with the fact that in the past years he had not only improved his vocabulary significantly, he supposed his ability to read attributed to that but had also eradicated every titan in the vicinity of his home. He hoped this would please his human. He knew the state of his clothes would not. His shirt was torn and ragged, struggling to serve its purpose. He'd grown quite a bit in the past three years the shirt now exposing his midriff. Thankfully, his lower half was covered in a pair of tattered brown shorts.

Now that he thought about it he supposed that he now looked like an adult human. He knew he was much taller than his human. He was very different than his human with his sun-kissed skin and upbeat personality. Thinking of his human brought his fear and anxiety back. With that in mind, Jaeger jumped off the tree, landing in a crouch before he shot off further into titan territory. He would look for them. Perhaps they were at the Wall the humans were so proud of?

"Stupid," he berated. He honestly should have thought of this before. Unfortunately or not, he'd gotten into the habit of talking to himself. He supposed it was good practice, though he was sure his tiny human wouldn't think so. He'd probably scold him or insult him. He snorted as he felt his lips curl upward. He still didn't understand it, even if it was a way to express happiness. It was weird to do when one could simply purr.

Sighing his grief, he kept on pushing further out of titan territory. He wasn't frightened of being in the open like this. Despite looking like a human, he apparently didn't smell like one. The titans treated him like they treated each other. He was a little upset as this, along with other things, proved he couldn't escape what he really was. It was an invaluable resource to have and he seized it time and time again. It pleased him that he could help the helpless humans inside the walls. One day, when he had destroyed every last titan, they could abandon their gargantuan Walls. They could explore this cruel, but beautiful world. They could be free.

Shaking the hopeful thoughts from his head, he focused on getting to the Wall. The fear and anxiety had only been increasing the closer he got to the Wall. The air becoming tense and all wildlife fading from view. Something bad was going to happen. Soon the Wall came into view and they weren't the only thing to come into view. The sight of a 60-meter titan in front of the Wall, reeling it's foot back no less, stopped him in his tracks. His breath hitched in his throat. The humans! His human! The behemoths foot began its descent and he burst into action, cursing himself for leaving behind his gear.

"No, fuck! No!" He rasped, pushing his tired body to its limit, in a full-on dead sprint. He had to stop it! But he was far too late and he watched the Wall give. Pushing himself harder than before he burst into the town that resided inside the Wall.

It was a cesspool of death. Titans were everywhere, the human's trenches and spikes doing little to stop them. Humans were screaming in terror and pain as they were ripped apart. Their blood coating the streets and roofs of their human homes. The smell of everything he could imagine was overwhelming and he choked on it.

As he takes another turn he hears a despairing shriek, the source of the sound can be seen only a few yards in front of him. An adult brown-haired human is trying to claw her way out from underneath a wooden beam from a collapsed human home. Her honey colored eyes are leaking water, something humans when they are overwhelmed. Without a second thought, he runs over and heaves, the wood creaking in protest. With his titanic strength, it is done with minimal effort.

When the human is free, he picks her up, throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and starts off toward the direction where the strongest human scent is at. He hears her protest and looks back at her. She's reaching for the broken home he saved her from and with a start he realizes a child is in there. He quickly sets the woman down, where he can keep an eye on her, and rushes to the small human's aid. Jaeger rips away all the debris covering the human child and yanks her to freedom. Thankfully, she's unharmed and can walk on her own. He notices she's shorter than him.

Approaching the woman again, he picks her up, this time being mindful of her bruised, bloody legs. He turns to the child and motions his head. "We have to hurry," he rasped, looking around frantically. They had to get out of here now.

The girl nods and he's grateful when she leads the way. When he sees the mass of humans gathered around a large, moving building that seemed to glide over the river he gapes. He took a second to marvel at it before he snapped to attention, following the girl as she leads them to a still building. Once on he sat down, letting the woman in his arms curl into his warmth. With half-lidded eyes, he watched as the small dark-haired girl eyed him before doing the same. They quickly fell asleep, curled around him, and he watches over them.

When the wooden construct begins to move, he realizes with a jolt of fear that he was being taken deeper into human territory.


	3. drei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaeger gets a full name and makes new friends.

Jaeger, the woman, the dark-haired girl, and her blond friend who'd joined them had ended up in a strange place where the "refugees of the fall of Wall Maria" were kept. He didn't like it. He wanted to leave. He didn't want to be trapped, he wanted to be  _free_.

"Are you okay?" the blond boy asked, timidly. Jaeger observed the boy. He was small and frail. His build lanky and lean. He could grow to be very fast if he trained.

"I am fine," he mumbled, watching the woman as she was given a crutch by two uniformed men. The boy nodded and bit his lip. He looked like he was on the verge of tears and Jaeger couldn't help but feel bad. He'd probably lost someone close to him in the fall.

"I'm Armin and that's Mikasa. What's your name?" the boy -  _Armin -_ asked seemingly gaining confidence. Jaeger couldn't help the curling of his lips and the huff of laughter that escaped him. 

"Jaeger," he pointed to himself for emphasis. Armin frowned and Mikasa spoke up softly. He jumped at her voice. When had she gotten behind Armin?

"Is that your first name?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She was shivering.

"No," he answered, searching for something to warm the small human. He trilled happily when he spotted an abandoned red scarf on a wagon. Quickly he walked over, ignoring Armin and Mikasa's protests, and snatched it. He returned and sloppily wrapped it around Mikasa's head. Her eyes brightened and she fixed the scarf before clutching it.

"Thank you," she whispered. Jaeger hummed and ruffled her hair. Armin watched the exchange with a warm smile and Jaeger decided right then that they were  _his_ little ones and that he'd protect them. 

"Thank you for saving us," the woman said as limped towards them. Jaeger watched her with worried eyes. Surely, that couldn't be comfortable?

"You are welcome. It was no trouble," the tanned teen mumbled, his cheeks heating up in what he knew was the embarrassment. The human body was weird. All of these strange thing it did. It was overwhelming even after three years. It was amazing.

"Mikasa, where'd you get that lovely scarf?" the woman asked, running her fingers over the fabric of the scarf, in awe. Jaeger watched the dark-haired girl blush and hide under the scarf.

"Jaeger gave it to me," she mumbled through her embarrassment.  

The woman turned to him, her honeyed eyes soft, "Oh, is that your name?"

"Yes," he mumbled, turning away from the woman. She was very nice and he liked her, but she made him sad. She reminded him of the mother he'd always wished he'd had.

"What a coincidence! I'm Carla _Jaeger._ It's nice to meet you, sweetie." she gushed happily and pulled him into a hug. Jaeger froze and his mind raced before he realized she wasn't attacking him. Slowly, he returned her embrace and marveled at the warm feeling it gave him.

"It's his last name, too," Armin spoke up, his nervousness had vanished completely. Jaeger grunted unhappily when Carla released him with a huff.

"That just won't do!" the kind woman exclaimed, leaning on her crutch as she stared him down. Mikasa pulled on Armin's sleeve and whispered in his ear. He brightened and nodded enthusiastically.

"What about Eren?" the blond boy asked hopefully. Jaeger trilled happily and he knew if he was in his other form his ear would be wiggling. Carla looked as if she wanted to protest but left it.

"I love it!" Eren cried out when he couldn't contain himself anymore. His little humans had given him a name! His first gift! He'd have to make sure he gave them gifts of the same value.

"Eren Jaeger it is then!" Carla said joyfully, but her eyes weren't quite as bright as her tone suggested. Eren let it pass, deciding to keep a close eye on her. "Welcome to the family!"

Eren squealed as he was suddenly bombarded with hugs, surprisingly Mikasa was the first one, and he felt his lips stretch in his happiness. He could get used to this. 

 _I'll protect them,_ he thought to himself with a fierce determination.  _I'll eradicate the titans._

~~~~~~~~~~

It was a month before it happened. He'd learned a lot in the time of that month and he knew what the expedition for the reclaiming of Wall Maria really was.

_A cull of the masses._

It was ironic that the very same humans that had escaped the titan's jaws now had to go and fight them. It disgusted Eren to no end. It didn't help that his sweet humans had to go to. All humans above the age of twelve had to go. Carla was an adult human and Armin and Mikasa were thirteen. Eren himself was approximately fifteen. They all had to go.

He was terrified. 

But Armin was smart, incredibly so, and had a plan. "We could join the army. Recruits don't have to go."

"We would still have to fight titans. You know how Eren is," Mikasa interjected softly, ignoring Eren's offended stare he shot her.

"If we join we get three years of training instead of the rushed training we'd get if we didn't. Even if we join the Scouting Legion," Armin finished as he also ignored Eren.

"Do not talk as if I am not here. It is rude. This concerns me too," the taller boy pointed out when he'd had enough. He watched in satisfaction when Armin flushed and Mikasa averted her gaze. He couldn't help the smirk -one of the many things he'd learned was what human expressions were called - that made it's way to his face.

"Sorry," they mumbled.

"If Armin thinks it is the only way then we will join the military. Recruiting is tomorrow?" he asked, choosing his words carefully. Despite knowing how to speak he struggled with it and found that speaking formally was easiest. 

Mikasa shook her head. "Miss Carla isn't going to like this."

"We'll just have to convince her to join as well!" Armin laughed. 

"Yes. She will listen to you, Armin. You are very convincing," Eren grinned when Armin blushed. He was relieved. It was going to be okay. His humans would live and soon he'd be able to see his flying human.

He couldn't wait.

~~~~~~~~~~

They'd managed to convince Carla with little to no effort on Armin's part. The night before recruiting they cuddled on the floor of their living quarters, saying their goodbyes to Carla without words. She was to join the Garrison and Eren couldn't be happier about it. She would be safe.

The morning was spent with each of them receiving wet kissed and long hugs until it was time. Eren stomped his sorrow done violently and remained strong for Armin and Mikasa.

They waited until their turns in a long line of saddened youths and elders. Eren had had enough by the time it was their turn.

"Recruits?" the man asked gruffly and they nodded. "Name and age."

"Carla Jaeger, thirty-four."

"Armin Arlert, thirteen."

"Mikasa Ackerman, thirteen."

"Eren Jaeger, fifteen."

The scribbled their names down and pointed at Carla. "Everyone over the age of fifteen is in that wagon. You know, teaching old dogs new tricks. You brats go in that one. Dismissed."

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin quickly said goodbye once again and hurried to their own wagon. Upon entering they noticed two others in it. A boy with a buzz cut and a red-haired girl eating a potato. Eren ignored them and watched as his surrogate mother got farther and farther away. 

When their wagon began moving two others had joined them. Two girls. A tiny blonde and a taller brunette. He watched as his humans conversed with what he assumed were new friends.

 _Yes,_ he thought as he closed his eyes.  _They will be fine. I'll make sure of it._


	4. vier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training commences and everything is going well despite a few bumps here and there. But the newly named Eren can't help feeling anxious.

Keith Shadis was a  _loud_ man.

Eren was worried about the strain on his vocal chords. Keith didn't seem to be bothered one bit and managed to get even louder. He understood why. The man needed to be loud and harsh to prepare the twelve to fifteen-year-old children for the harshness of the world. Eren knew the harshness of the world very well. Intimately. It had caressed his cheek and softly kissed him as if his lover. Yes, he knew the world's harshness.

He could appreciate Keith Shadis. He was trying.

That didn't mean he was okay with the way Keith yelled at Armin. Quite the opposite in fact. He had to fight the instinct to  _protect_ and  _kill._ It helped when Armin caught his eyes.  _"It's okay,"_ the small blond mouthed when Keith went on to his next victim. Eren relaxed and returned his gaze to stare blankly in front of him.

He was startled when Keith's voice reached an even louder pitch than before. The brunet couldn't keep his eyes from wandering and he blanched at what he saw. The girl from the wagon calmly eating a potato as she was yelled at.

He was beginning to think he'd never understand humans.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eren found he liked many of his fellow recruits, even though some of them made him uneasy. He could safely say he liked Connie and Sasha. They were simple but unique. Mikasa and Armin liked them as well. Then there was Jean, the human who resembled a horse, and his freckled friend, Marco. Eren  _did not_ like Jean, their personalities clashes far too much, but he adored Marco. The boy was just too sweet for his own good. The strangest of the recruits were Annie, Bertoldt, Reiner, and Ymir. Their scents were  _off._ They smelled like the calm before a storm,  _dangerous,_ and Eren didn't like it. Despite that he liked them well enough, he especially liked the small blonde girl, Christa, who's side Ymir refused to leave.

It was nice, he decided. To be surrounded by people who he could trust, though he was still wary of the strange smelling ones. He was just happy that Mikasa and Armin were making more friends. They needed more than him. 

"I heard the Colossal Titan was three hundred meters tall!" Connie exclaimed from his seat across from Eren, waving his arms about, frantically. Eren snorted and swiftly gave Armin some of his food.

"Mmhm!" Sasha hummed around a mouthful of bread. She scared Eren with how much she ate. Where did it all go?

"Hey, Eren? You guys are from Shiganshina, right? So, you saw the ugly bastard, right? Is it true?"

"Yes, we are from Shiganshina and I do not think any of us want to talk about it," Eren said, worriedly looking over at Armin and Mikasa. Armin just sighed, a soft smile on his face, whereas Mikasa gripped her scarf tightly. Eren crooned and pulled her into a one arm embrace, running his finger through her hair. She sighed and relaxed into him, her scarf hiding her smile.

"Oh, right, sorry. We can talk about something else. What regiment are you guys gonna join? I'm joining the Military Police, I'm gonna make my family proud!" Connie boasted, puffing his chest out confidently.

"I'm joining the Military Police, too! It will be such an honor to serve the King!" Marco cut in, joyously. Jean elbowed him in the ribs, smirking.

"Still going on about that, eh? I'm joining to get away from the titans. Not to mention how luxurious it will be to live in the interior."

Eren frowned, his eyes surveying the group slowly. "I am joining the Survey Corps."

"What? Are you crazy? You'll die!"

"Thank you for the show of good faith, Connie, but I have made up my mind. I cannot just sit here and wait while others die for my freedom. I will fight _and I will_   _win!"_ Eren said, his voice rising in his anger. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply before storming out. He could feel their eyes burning holes into his back as they followed him out.

Mikasa and Armin rushed after him and he felt a rush of warmth settle in his chest. He sat down outside, relishing in the cold that caressed his heated flesh. Without a word, Mikasa and Armin joined him. For a while they just sat there, enjoying each others company. Armin broke the silence first.

"You can't keep doing this, Eren."

"What am I doing?"

Mikasa sighed from beside him. "Don't play dumb."

Eren gave her an affronted glare, his face twisted into an angry scowl. Armin spoke up before things could escalate between the two. "Ostracizing yourself from our peers. If you join," Eren's glare turned menacing at the doubt in his voice. " _When_ _you join_ the Survey Corps, you're going to needs allies. And to get allies you need to be more approachable and less threatening."

"I do not need a child's aid," Eren snorted, derisively. Mikasa quirked a brow at his tone.

"That right there is what we're talking about," she said, her brow furrowed in thought. "I don't disagree with you, though. I can protect you just fine."

"Mikasa! Don't encourage him!"

Eren laughed uproariously, his mood doing a complete 180 from before. His two companions staring at him in shock and fondness, respectively. He greedily inhaled before replying breathlessly, his smile teasing. "She is right, sunflower. We do not need anyone, but each other."

"Yeah....," Armin sighed, his voice fading as he basked in the comfort of his companions, smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eren found that while the physical part of training came to him easily, the academic part did not. He did well in survival and medical training, he was the best, but the equations needed for subjects like math and science flew over his head. Armin had tried tutoring him, but that seemed to make it worse. He hated it. On his last test, he had gotten  _every. Single. Question. Wrong._ He glared at the big, fat zero next to his name. That's how his human's and friends found him in the barracks. Glaring at what should be an insignificant piece of paper. Armin was the first to break the silence.

"Eren? Are you okay?"

Eren inhaled deeply through his nose before greeting the small boy with a smile. "I am fine, sunflower."

"It's just a test, Eren. You're not going to be sent to the fields," Armin continued, resting his hand on Eren's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Don't worry about it."

"Mhmm," Eren ignored him, eyes searching the empty space where Mikasa should be. "Where is moonflower? She is not with you?"

"She's training with Annie again," the blond sighed, joining Eren on the bed. Connie and Sasha watched the exchange, sitting on the bed across from them. Connie jumped in on the conversation immediately.

"I bet on Mikasa, but if you were in the brawl you'd kick both their asses!"

"I would not fight moonflower," Eren mumbled, going back to staring at his failed test. Crinkling it in his calloused hands was pleasing, but he still felt defeated. He _did_ have the highest score in all of the physical training, but what did that amount do when he couldn't do more than simple addition and subtraction? At this rate, even the Survey Corps wouldn't want him. "I am going to the training courses," the titan turned boy said, crossing the room in quick strides.

"Eren," Armin called after him, reaching for him, but Eren was already gone. On his way there he git lost in his self-deprecating thoughts and stopped next to a white tent. The sight of the new and _very_ clean tent shook him from his thoughts. The sound of voices coming from the tent also helped.

"Hange, I swear to all that is holy, if you don't shut the fuck up I will burn all of your precious research!" a deep, gruff but smooth voice hissed. Eren's heart fluttered violently in his chest and he gripped it in fear of it flying from his chest. He crept closer and hid as he eavesdropped. He sniffed the air and his face heated up when he recognized the musky scent. His little one was here!

"Oh, Levi! You short, grumpy baby!" another voice giggled maniacally. "You know I memorized it all!"

 _"_ _Levi,"_ he whispered, tasting the name on his tongue. He found he liked it and whispered it to himself a few more times. He heard shuffling and quickly escaped a safe distance away.

"I hate you," Levi said as he exited the tent, rubbing his head, glaring at his companion. It was the delightful, messy haired human. Eren walked towards them, in the direction of the training courses, he was glad he had a good alibi.

"Oh, hello there!" the messy haired one grabbed him, smiling widely. "You'd be perfect! Can you help me with my experiments?"

"Hello," he murmured, prying the crazy human's fingers from his uniform, his eyes darting to Levi.

"Hanji, leave the brat alone."

"But Leeeviiiii! I need an assistant replacement!"

"Bitch, do I look like I care?"

Eren snorted, unable to hide his amusement at the two human's antics. They both looked at him with respective grins and scowls. He laughed. "What kind of experiments?"

 


	5. fünf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren offers to do a job for Hange and the Colossal Titan strikes again.

Eren was, surprisingly, having a great time. Hange, as he'd learned that was the messy haired one's name, was a complete delight. They'd done many experiments surrounding titans. They'd even captured two, though they were killed by an unknown soldier, to test their theories. What's more was their experiments were cruel and horrifying. Eren was completely fascinated.

"Sawney didn't react to anything we did to him! Not even a single whimper! Not even when we stabbed his eyes out!" they practically gushed. "But Bean, oh Bean, now he screamed and it was glorious!"

"Oh?" Eren questioned, smiling widely. "Perhaps the way their nerves are wired vary?"

"Yes! Exactly my theory! That's why I need to administer more tests! But I can't unless I have an assistant!" they threw their hands in the air and stormed out of the room in a huff. Eren watched before returning his attention to Levi.

The short man was drinking his tea in what Eren thought was a strange but cute way. "What is wrong with their assistant?"

"The poor idiot is just sick. Their overreacting, as usual, the fucking psychopath. Moblit will be better in a couple of weeks," the man tsked in mild annoyance. Eren watched him through half-lidded eyes and quickly averted his gaze when Hange came back into the room with their arms full of what seemed to be book and journals.

"This is all the research I've gathered so far!" they puffed their chest out proudly, much like a child, before deflating with a sigh. "I'm so close to a breakthrough."

"You only need someone to replace your assistant for a few weeks, correct?" they nodded. "Graduation is in a week. After, I would be more than willing to do what I can to help you."

Hange screamed in what Eren could've mistaken, if he didn't know any better, to be agony. "Oh, my Goddess!! Really?! Oh, my Goddess!!" they latched onto Levi and Eren felt a brief flash of irritation at the sight. "Yes! Did you hear him, Levi?!"

"Yes, I have fucking ears too, dipshit!" he defended his tea from the scientist valiantly and succeeded in prying them off his body. He pushed them away, in disgust. "When was the last time you bathed, you disgusting pile shit?"

"Who cares?! I'm so happy!!"

"So, you planning on joining the Corps? How old are you, brat?" Levi asked, ignoring the rabid human being next to him. 

"Yes, as are two of my.......," he struggled for a word to describe what his relationship with Armin and Mikasa was. "Friends. I am eighteen."

"Is that so?" Levi quirked an eloquent eyebrow in questioning, staring Eren down. Eren met his gaze head-on and held it. Levi snorted in faint amusement before turning to leave. "You're interesting, brat."

Eren watched him go with longing, his heart ached faintly, but he reminded himself that he would see him again soon. Hange squealed from behind him. "I think he likes you!"

"I hope so."

"Ooh! I know that look! Does someone have a crush on our resident grump?"

Eren blushed, looking away in embarrassment, and puffed his cheeks out. "I do not."

"Oh really? Your red face says otherwise!"

Eren smiled softly, wistfully, and Hange stopped their teasing at the sight. "No, I love him."

~~~~~~~~~~

Eren was brooding again. When was he not? He was angry with himself for falling math and history. He'd just barely passed science Those were the only two subjects he struggled with, besides science, and now it was too late. Graduation was today. He couldn't impress Levi with good grades. Maybe his athletic skill would do that? Now that he thought about it, he supposed it didn't matter since he could technically die at any given moment. Levi didn't seem like the type to care about matters like academic ability anyway. Levi. Ever since he met him Eren's thoughts have been consistently circling back to the short man. He liked Levi. Loved him. Even his vulgarity was cute. He smiled at the thought.

"You've been in a good mood this past week. I thought you were bummed about your grades?" Connie asked as he cleaned a canon next to him. They were on Wall duty. Eren didn't mind. He like looking out at the world beyond the Walls. It reminded him of his days as a titan.

"I realized it did not matter in the long run. I am not joining the Military Police nor the Garrison, so I do not need to be in the top ten," he explained with the dopey smile that had plagued him since meeting his little one stretching his lips. Connie laughed from beside him.

"I'm joining the Corps too! Your speech inspired me!" Thomas said, his eyes passionate. Eren froze in bewilderment. Connie, not one to be left out, spoke up next.

"Me too! But not because of you! I decided this on my own!"

Eren stared at them through narrowed eyes. Were these children going fight titans? The very idea was laughable. They would surely die. "You should not base your decisions on the actions or words of another. You have to be sure that this what you want to do. Soldiers are not swayed by mere words."

"That right there is why we decided to join! Your conviction inspired us to fight for ourselves!" Mina said, smiling. Eren was almost offended. Here he was fighting to save them and they were throwing away their lives? Suddenly, he felt like a hypocrite.

"I see," he sighed, cursing under his breath.

Shortly after, Sasha walked up with meat hidden under her uniform. She was drooling. "Hey, guys. I just stole this from Shadis," she pulled the meat out and everyone, besides Eren, was astonished.

"Nice!" Connie cheered, laughing. "I want a slice."

Thomas and Mina looked conflicted before giving in. Sasha giggled and opened a wooden crate. "Alright. I'll just put it here."

Eren watched his friend's antics with a smile. The wind blew and with it came  _the_ scent. He froze. The was a  _crack_ of lightning and he wasn't surprised to find himself face with the Colossal Titan. He grinned impossibly wide, showing off his serrated teeth. "It is nice to see you again, Bertoldt. I am sorry, but I have to kill you now," he twirled around the Colossal Titan, slicing through any piece of flesh his blades came near. He laughed and aimed his hooks at the nape. He surged into action, the steam having no effect on him, and sliced. He felt disappointed when he didn't feel the wet resistance of flesh on his blades. He aimed his hooks at the Wall and sighed.

"Eren! Did you get it?" Thomas called.

"No! It disappeared in a cloud of steam! Like five years ago!" Eren shouted as he vaulted to the top of the Wall. They praised him for his bravery, but Eren wasn't listening. He was too focused on the space where the Colossal Titan had once stood.

"Oi! What're you doing?! Go to HQ now!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Eren's squad was made up of himself, Armin, Mina, Thomas, and he thinks there is another whose name he either doesn't know or remember. He was just grateful that at least one of his humans was on his squad. He was worried about Mikasa. He knew she could handle herself, but he couldn't help the paternal instinct. He opted to search for her immediately if something bad happened.

"It is happening again, but this time we are ready. This time we can fight to save the innocent instead of just watching. Are you ready?" he looked at the humans one by one before settling his gaze on Armin. He grinned.

"Hell yeah!"

They shot off further into what used to be a human city but was now titan territory with no fear. That was a mistake. Eren watched in horror as his teammates, aside from Armin, were eaten one by one. Their screams echoing in his ear. He roared his anger to the heavens in a warbled mixture between man and titan. He killed every titan in the same vicinity as him in a fit of rage. He was glad he wasn't too far gone as to stray from Armin.

It still wasn't enough.

He froze when heard a scream, slightly muffled from behind him. He turned, his blood frozen in his veins, his ears ringing, his heart in his throat, and moved faster than he had in his entire six years of human life. He didn't know that he was screaming until his throat ached in complaint. He shot into the bearded titan's mouth and heaved. "Eren!" he threw himself and Armin onto the roof next to them. It knocked the air out of him and he wheezed, scrambling to check on his sunflower. "Eren! Behind you!"

He narrowly dodged the titan's swipe for him and he snarled lowly.  _ **"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"**_

It was a blur after that. He could still hear and feel. He could hear the screams echoing in the distance and in his ears, replaying over and over again in his mind. He could feel the steaming blood on his hands and on his face, in his mouth and in his eyes. But most of all he felt  _hate._  He wanted to tear into every titan he saw. He wanted to break every bone. He wanted to rip their napes out with his teeth. He wanted to pry screams of agony from their lips. To instill fear into their dead eyes. He  _burned._

When his vision cleared he noticed everything was small and the hole in the Wall was sealed. He wasn't Eren Jaeger the human, but Jaeger the titan. He needed to find a safe place to shift. He needed to find Armin and Mikasa. Thankfully, no humans were near. He quickly found a church that was two meters taller than him and hid behind it. He closed his eyes and concentrated. He opened them shortly after and was pleased when he found he was human again. He checked himself over and noted that his 3DMG gear was gone. So was his uniform. He was naked. He quickly surveyed the area and ran to a body a meter away. He grimaced as he stole their uniform and gear. He had no choice. "I should be more careful. That was very dangerous. Now, I need to find Armin and Mikasa."

His first thought was to check HQ. He sped through the city, noting there were hardly any titans. He landed on the roof of HQ with practiced grace and scoured for Armin's signature bright blond hair. It wasn't hard to find. He ran to him and scooped him up into a hug. "Eren!" he ignored Armin's cry and ran his fingers down his sides in search of injuries. Thankfully, he found nothing but a few bruises and scratches. He tightened his hug. "Eren."

He ended the hug to look at Armin's face and what he saw made his body seize up in alarm. "Sunflower? What happened to your face?" he whispered, his heart in his ears, his fingers inching up to Armin's face. Armin's entire left cheek was bloody, the skin shredded. "Where is moonflower? How badly does it hurt? You need to clean it! Where are the first aid kits kept? It could get infected!"

Armin grabbed his fingers in a tight grip and tugged Eren down to his height. "Calm down, Eren. It's okay. Breathe in," he inhaled deeply through his nose. "Okay, good, now breathe out," he did, his eyes fluttering shut briefly before he focused again. "Good. Now, you can ask me questions."

"Thank you, sunflower. But I have to treat your wound first," Eren pushed Armin to sit down and ran off in search of a first aid kit. He rushed back with one shortly after and quickly patched Armin's cheek up, expertly. "There. Does it not feel better? Where is moonflower?"

"She's talking to Jean. Mikasa is fine and so was I. Honesty, Eren, you worry too much. You're such a mother hen," Armin teased with a smile before wincing.

"Stop that. You will irritate your wound," he frowned. "You obviously need me to mother you when you cannot even treat your own wounds properly, besides I am older than you."

"Only by three years, Eren," Mikasa's soft voice sounded behind him and he immediately went to check her for injuries, her doing the same to him. He frowned when he noticed a small, but deep scar on her right cheek. "I'm okay. It's just a scratch," he pusher her down to sit beside Armin, and unlike Armin, she went willingly, and he ruffled her hair in affection. He quickly patched her scar up and set the kit aside.

"How did you two get these injuries, flowers?"

"Some debris from a collapsing building nicked me," Mikasa reached up and brushed her finger across the bandage, blushing.

"My hooks wouldn't retract and I scraped my cheek against the side of a building," Armin admitted with a sheepish grin. Eren frowned.

"I am sorry that I was not there to protect you, flowers," he sighed, looking down at his dirty hands. When two other joined them he looked up. Armin and Mikasa smiled at him.

"It's okay, Eren. It's not your fault," she said, rubbing soothing circles on the palm of his right hand while Armin intertwined his left hand with Eren's.

"Yeah, you can't prevent every little thing," Armin said before his brow furrowed in thought. "Where were you?"

"I was overcome with rage and went on my own. I am so sorry that I left you alone, Armin," at the use of his name Armin knew Eren must feel terrible about what had happened. He squeezed his hand in reassurance and smiled.

"It's okay, I understand that you lost your temper. It wasn't your fault, but you're forgiven," Eren smiled, happily, and squeezed his hand back. He heard the whirring of the 3DMG gear and turned his head towards the sound, Armin, and Mikasa doing the same. His breath hitched at the sight, his face heating up, and his heart leaped to his throat.

"Levi."

The man smirked. "Brat, good to see you're still alive." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write this chapter twice. The first time, obviously cause I had to. The second time, because I accidentally deleted it. I've never been more upset in my entire life. I actually cried. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please comment, it's what I live for, and thank you for your support!


	6. sechs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is offered to join a certain someone's squad.

Eren stared in disbelief before shaking his head to collect his thoughts. At the same time, Armin and Mikasa looked as if they were doing the same. Or at least trying to. Even after meeting him and talking to him, albeit briefly, Eren's heart still couldn't handle being near this man. He was afraid it was going to leap its way out if his chest and directly into Levi's unsuspecting hands. Needless to say, Mikasa was the first to recover. "Captain?"

"Ah, Ackerman. Heard good things about you. Apparently, you're a fucking beast," Levi said, his expression stoic once again. His eyes landed on the groups joined hands and something unreadable flashed through them. Eren tried and failed, to read it but it was too late. It was already hidden behind the storm in his eyes.

"Orders?" Mikasa ignored his comment, her face passive while her voice cold. It confused Eren, but, like the others, he hid it behind a mask of indifference. Armin was the only one openly expressing his confusion. Mostly in squawks rather than words. Eren pulled his companions to their feet and released their hands.

Levi tsked and tilted his head. "Another hoard of titans is still inside the Wall. Since this is the only fucking place with the shit we need we have to defend it at all costs. Thankfully, something sealed the breach, so no more of the fucking giants can get in."

"Sir? Did you just say something sealed the breach?" Armin asked, incredulously, when he'd finally collected himself. Eren almost puffed his chest out in pride but caught himself. He still allowed himself a small, hidden smile.

"Yeah," Levi sighed, his hands coming up to rub his temples. "Shocked all of us when we came back to a big ass boulder sealing a big ass breach. Shitty glasses won't shut their fucking mouth and keeps spouting bullshit."

"Levi!" a small, red-haired woman with big, green eyes shouted as she saluted quickly. Eren realized she must be apart of Levi's squad and violently crushed the wave of jealousy that coursed through him. "Titans are coming from all sides. Your orders?"

Eren watched as Levi nodded, processing the information, and stiffened in surprise when the man's eyes landed on him. "Try and keep them off our ass." the woman nodded and shot off to relay the order to the rest of the squad. Levi smirked and leaned in close to whisper in Eren's ear, the short man's hot breath causing goosebumps to rise on his tan skin. "Show me watch you can do, brat."

"Yes, sir," Eren breathed, licking his lips nervously as he performed a perfect salute. Armin and Mikasa quickly followed his example. They, however, didn't expect Eren to throw himself into the throng of titans clawing at their HQ's walls with no hesitation.

"Eren! Wait!" he ignored their shouts and got to work. He killed titan after titan, hypersensitive to the eyes following his every movement. Eren, influenced by his instincts that wanted to find a mate, went all out. He executed the most difficult moves he'd learned how to do during his time outside the Walls with a practiced ease and grace. He was in his element.

_Watch me,_ he called to the man who held his affections, using only his body. He killed another titan, his movements as fluid as water, and zipped to the next one. Before he knew it, he and everyone else had eliminated all the titans in the area. HQ was safe and wasn't even too badly damaged. Eren landed next to his flowers and smiled at them.

"Eren! Don't ever do that again! You could've died!" Armin screeched, his face red in his ire. Mikasa simply nodded her eyes dull as she held her scarf so tightly her knuckles turned white. Eren softened his gaze and demeanor, scooping them both up in a bear hug. They clutched at him desperately, ignoring the evaporating blood still on him. Eren carded his fingers through their hair and ruffled it when they separated.

"Do not fret, flowers. There is no need to worry about me. I will always come back," he assured them, kissing both of their unharmed cheeks, with a smile. He chuckled when they visibly relaxed, the tension leaving their shoulders all at once. Armin swayed on his feet briefly and Eren jumped to steady him. "Are you alright, sunflower?"

"I'm just tired, Eren. It's been a long day," the blond boy said, waving him off. Suddenly, a soft thud followed by an appreciative whistle sounded behind them. Eren scented the air, his eyes widening and face flushing. He turned around slowly and met the storm filled gaze head-on.

"Damn, Eren. Mikasa isn't the beast," Levi shook his head, his eyes slanted as he considered Eren. "You are."

"I  _am_ ranked first in the physical," Eren laughed, sheepishly. The instinctive need to show off to his desired mate too strong to ignore. Levi appraised him for a brief moment.

"And the academics?"

"Ah, I did not do so well in mathematics and history."

Armin and Mikasa watched the exchange in varying degrees of confusion. Eren ignored their questioning gazes and kept his eyes on Levi. The raven-haired man hummed thoughtfully. "That so?"

"Yes, sir," the tanned teen said, watching Levi closely. He briefly wondered, on a scale of one to ten, how creepy did he look? A thought of toning down his obvious staring flitted through his head and he played around with it for a moment before casting it aside. He liked staring at Levi far too much to stop anytime soon.

"I can't say I blame you. That shit blows," he appraised Eren once more before nodding as if satisfied with what he saw. A rush of warmth and pride settled into Eren's being and he fought the urge to giggle. "It doesn't change anything."

Now, Eren was as confused as Armin and Mikasa seemed to be. He looked at them with questioning eyes only to be answered with shrugs. He rolled his shoulders and turned back to Levi. "Sir?"

"Would you like to join my squad, Eren?" it was the first time Levi called him by his name and if that didn't win Eren over it was the man's eyes. They were darker than before, half-lidded against the setting sun, and he could see a beautiful metallic blue glint in them. Eren couldn't deny this man of anything.

"Yes."

~~~~~~~~~~

The graduation was put off one day due to the breach. They was also a meeting every Commander of the legions had to go to, some of the cadets that witnessed the breach present for any information they might have. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa had to attend. They didn't have anything useful to say, that is, Armin and Mikasa didn't.

Eren wanted to tell them that the Colossal Titan wasn't just any ordinary titan. That it was a human who could turn into a titan. A titan shifter. Eren wanted to tell them that there were currently four of them hiding in the cadet's ranks and that he knew who they were. But he couldn't.

They wouldn't believe him. They'd think he was crazy.  _Levi_ would think he was crazy. And Eren would be locked away from his flowers and Levi. He couldn't bear the thought of never seeing his precious human ever again, so he kept his mouth shut and dully watched the meeting take place. He snapped to attention when he heard the first mutterings of a titan killing its own.

"I heard it too. A fifteen meter going around brutally tearing apart it's own kind," someone muttered. He glanced around the room quickly, noting that no one was looking at him.

"Did anyone catch a visual of this titan?" Zackley, the judge, asked the room. Hange jumped up excitedly and Eren felt his blood run cold.

"I didn't get to close up because he disappeared right after he sealed the breach, but he had the most proportionate body I've ever seen on a titan! He also had pointed ears! Like an elf!" they screeched, excitedly. Eren swallowed down his fear and pushed it into a dark corner of his mind. He was worrying needlessly. They'd never find out.

"Thank you, Section Commander."

The rest of the meeting flew by and before Eren knew it the ceremony was starting. He stood in the middle of Armin and Mikasa, focusing on the burly, blond man on the stage. He had baby blue eyes that didn't suit the calculating look they wore. He couldn't read his face or body language, much like with Levi. The only exception was there were no cracks in this facade. Erwin Smith. He was an odd man, but Eren knew he was dangerous by the air around him. It was cold.

He reminded Eren of Armin and he silently prayed for Armin to never change. The man started his recruitment speech oddly. "According to our most optimistic estimates, we'll have to sacrifice at least five times more soldiers and twenty more years before it will be possible to dispatch a large force to Wall Maria again. And even these figures aren't quite realistic," he paused and Eren felt like he was doing this wrong. "The Survey Corps is always in search of talented members. With great losses after every mission, we constantly suffer from personnel shortage. I'm not going to hide anything from you. Those of you who will choose to join the legion will have to participate in a scouting expedition out the walls in one month from now. There's a pressing need to break a supply route. The probability of new recruits dying during an expedition to the outer lands is fifty percent. Those who manage to survive it, though, will become excellent soldiers with a high survival rate. Those of you who are still willing to put your life on the line despite learning about the dreadful state of affairs, stay here. And let me reiterate this again: most of those who will decide to stay here and enter the Survey Corps will probably be dead soon. Listen to your hearts and ask yourselves if you've really got what it takes to sacrifice your life for mankind," another short pause. "That's all. Those wanting to join the other divisions dismissed."

Eren watched calmly as every one of the recruits except a select few, mostly Eren's friends, stayed behind. He narrowed his eyes when he saw that while Annie left the rest of the shifters stayed. That was weird. He didn't like it. "Why?" he whispered, almost inaudible before turning his attention back to the Commander.

"Those of you that have chosen to stay have brave hearts and I am truly honored to fight alongside you!" the man shouted, saluting. Eren and the others immediately did the same. "We are not done here yet. One of you has been accepted into Captain Levi's squad. Eren Jaeger, if you would please come get your cape."

Whispers broke out amongst the others and Eren glared at them for a moment. They all looked at him sheepishly and he huffed as he made his way to the stage. He shook Erwin's hand and accepted the cloak graciously. The titan turned human was then guided to behind the stage and meet with three gazes. Levi, the red-haired woman from the breach, and a lanky, blond man. The red-haired woman squealed when she saw him. "He really  _is_ adorable, big bro! And his eyes! Boy, you sure do know how to pick em!"

"Excuse me?" Eren said, confused. He was ignored.

"Shut up!" Levi said, scowling. He just looked cute as his cheeks were a tad bit pink.

"Hello?" he tried again in vain.

"Aww, look Izzy he's blushing!" the blond man smirked.

"Shut the fuck up! You can act like children later!" Eren yelled, fed up with their bickering. It was just like with Armin and Mikasa. And he was too tired for this. He knew he'd be mortified about it later, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care. They all stared at him in shock. He pointed at the two unknown people in the room. "Now, what are your names?"

The woman bounced back immediately. "Oh? Oh.  _Oh!_ My name's Isabel Magnolia and this," she pointed to the blond man standing next to her with a toothy grin. "Is Farlan Church. Nice to meet ya!"

"Likewise," Eren said, dryly. He was still recovering from his burst of anger and suddenly felt tired. "If I may ask, how old are you three?"

"I'm twenty! Farlan's twenty-three and big bro's twenty-four!" Isabel answered again. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen," he answered absently as he looked at Levi once more. His former irritation completely forgotten.

"You're almost the same age Levi was when he first joined!" she gasped. Eren snapped back to attention and yawned.

"Six years?" he mumbles his question, his eyes dropping. He hears Levi sigh and feels someone pick him up. He's too sleepy to care who and curls into the extra warmth.

"That's enough. The little brat's dead on his feet. We can continue this shit fest tomorrow," he sighed as he left. Isabel giggled.

"He's got it bad."

"Yep." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my version, Levi and friends joined the Corps much earlier, therefore the reason there so young. Since they joined earlier, they were never threatened, resulting in saving Isabel and Farlan's lives, but they still might die. Idk. Since his family never died tragically via titan, Levi is more laidback and chill, but he's still the same about cleaning. He also definitely likes Eren, but it's more curiosity at this point in time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!


	7. sieben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically just a filler. Fear not! We'll delve deeper next time! Just be patient with me, please. But, on the brightside, more Eren and Levi action.

_Eren watched as Armin and Mikasa screamed at the sight of him. He was confused. Why were they scared? Why were the screaming at him? Why were they so small? He froze. Slowly, he brought his hands to his face and felt around for his lips. His fingers met teeth instead. Fear coursed through him._

_"You lied to us!"_

_"Were you ever going to tell us the truth?"_

_**"Monster!"** _

_Eren whined in sorrow, his eyes welling up, as his flowers disappeared from his sight. Leaving him alone to antagonize over what could have been. To fruitlessly try and pick up the pieces of their broken bonds. Suddenly, Levi took their place and, despite himself, Eren felt hope. Surely, Levi wouldn't judge him._

_"You disgust me."_

_He didn't understand._

_"You're a fucking monster."_

_It was getting harder and harder to breathe._

_**"Did you really think I could ever love someone like you?"** _

_He screamed._

~~~~~~~~~~

"Shit! Brat, wake up!" someone was shaking him. His throat hurt. His head ached. He felt as if a titan had stepped on his lungs. He gasped for air, but, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't breathe. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and felt as if he was choking. His head spun and he felt nauseous. Blearily, he opened his eyes and noticed the black spots dancing around his vision. Something cold gripped his face and turned his head. His eyes rolled and landed on Levi.

"Le....," he tried to speak, but all that came out was a pained wheeze. He blinked his eyes rapidly, in an attempt to clear his vision, and tried, once again, to force Levi's name around his numb tongue. "Le.....vi?"

"Mhmm, it's me. You're okay. I'm here. It was just a nightmare. You're okay. Can you inhale through your nose for me? Hold it in for three seconds. When you exhale, hold it for seven seconds," he sucked a stuttering breath into his lungs and waited for three seconds before releasing for seven. "Good job. Now, keep doing that until you're calm. I'll stay here with you."

He repeated the exercise many times before he could think clearly. He rose up into a sitting position and put his head between his legs in an effort to dispel his nausea. Levi hovered awkwardly next to him. Eren sniffed and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Thank you," he rasped, looking into Levi's sympathetic eyes. His stomach flipped. "I am sorry you had to see that."

Levi snorted. "No problem, brat. If I had a nightmare bad enough to give me a panic attack I think I'd want someone there to help. What was it about anyway?"

Eren stiffened and looked away from Levi. "I would rather not talk about it. I am sorry."

"Quit fucking apologizing for everything," Eren opened his mouth. "What did I just say?" he blushed and closed his mouth. "Good. I'm not going to make you talk about your nightmare, but if it's as bad as it seemed, you should fucking tell someone. Anyone."

"No one would be able to help," Eren pressed his lips together. "They only happen occasionally and will stop soon."

Levi stared at him for a long moment. "If you say so, brat."

Eren stared at the blankets pooled around his lap, plucking at them, before raising his head to look at Levi through tired eyes. He flinched when he noticed Levi was still staring at him. He looked back down at the blankets. "Where am I?"

Levi hummed. "You're in my room. We didn't have a room ready for you yet, so here we are."

"Where are you sleeping?" his face felt hot. He vaguely remembered meeting Isabel and Farlan, but he, mostly, remembered yelling at them, including Levi. His head shot up and he looked at Levi, pleadingly. "I am so sorry for yelling at you!"

"It's fine. We fucking deserved it. That happens way too fucking much and I sometimes wonder how we're still alive," the raven-haired man sighed. "Don't worry about me, I don't sleep much. And when I do it's only for two or three hours at the most."

Eren stared at Levi for a moment, his head tilting to the side, and sighed. "That sounds lonely."

"What?" Levi asked, his facade breaking to show surprise. "I....guess it is."

"If you want," Eren began, cautiously. "I could stay up with you for the remainder of the night. We do not have to talk," Levi openly stared at him and the teen scrambled for an excuse. "I will not be going back to sleep for a while. The....dream is still fresh in my mind."

"Sure," Levi made him scoot over and sat next to him. Shyly, Eren offered him some of the blankets and almost breathed a sigh of relief when he took them. "You're way too fucking nice, brat. It might get you killed one day."

"I am only nice to people who deserve kindness," Eren mumbled, curling up on his side. Levi hovered awkwardly before laying down, stiffly, on his back. Eren covered him in the fluffy blankets immediately.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Yes, sir."

~~~~~~~~~~

When morning came, Eren awoke in a state of confusion. He rolled over and nuzzled into the warmth next to him, sighing in content. The warmth next to him moved and he felt an arm curl around his waist as legs tangled with his own. Slowly, he sunk back into sleep's black embrace only to be awoken, once more, after what felt like seconds, by movement next to him. Eren whined when he felt the warmth next to him move. In an effort to make it stay, he curled around it tighter. A grunt and a gruff, sleep filled voice broke the silence. "Hey, brat, lemme go. I need ta get up."

"Wha?" Eren raised his head up and cracked his eyes open. A sleepy, disheveled Levi immediately assaulted his vision and he thanked whatever deity out there for blessing him so. "Time is it?"

Levi huffed, Eren let him go and sat up, as he checked the time. "A quarter past eight. They let us sleep in."

"Hmm," Eren hummed, rubbing his sleep-crusted eyes before a yawn escaped him. He ran his fingers through his hair and grimaced at the grease there. "Where can I take a shower?"

"In there," Levi pointed to the open doorway next to his dresser. "There's an extra toothbrush in there too. Use it. I'll go get us breakfast then I'm getting in there. I feel like shit," Levi put his boots on, slowly, before ambling his way over to his dresser. He then pulled out a pair of boxers, a big shirt, and the longest pair of pants he owned. "Here, you big ass tree. Don't be a fucking heathen, please wash them before you fucking return them."

"Thank you, I will," the titan turned human smiled as he took the clothes. He watched Levi leave before hurrying to the Captain's private shower. They were lucky they'd gotten up at eight or the hot water would be gone.

He undressed and folded his clothes neatly before setting them in the laundry basket. He hoped Levi would appreciate that. Suddenly, he realized he was in Levi's bathroom....naked. He felt his cheeks, neck, and chest heat up in embarrassment. Hurriedly, he jumped into the shower and scrubbed himself clean. Just as quickly he dried himself off, dressed in Levi's clothes with a blush, stopping to sniff them only once, before brushing his teeth with the extra toothbrush. He then exited the bathroom, the blush still red on his caramel skin, and met Levi's gaze with a shy smile. "When you're done put it on the desk. We'll take them to the kitchen when I show you around," Levi said handing him his breakfast before entering the bathroom himself.

"Yes sir," Eren said, staring at the eggs and bread on his plate. He didn't need to eat, the sun being enough, and had been lucky enough to escape it the entire six years of his human life. But this time there was no escape. He squeezed his eyes shut and quickly shoved a forkful of eggs passed his lips. His eyes shot open at the taste and he almost moaned. It was cold but still good. He'd clearly been missing out. He quickly cleared his plate of food and sighed in regret as he placed it next to Levi's empty plate.

Levi exited the bathroom after, dressed in a simple white long-sleeved shirt and black pants with white socks. Eren choked on his tongue at the sight, his blush coming back full force. Levi threw a pair of socks at Eren. "Hurry up and put your boots on so we can get this the fuck over with."

"Yes sir," he did as he was told and watched as Levi did the same. Once he was done he grabbed his plate and followed Levi out. The tour was, unexpectedly, fun for the both of them. Levi's toilet humor cracking Eren up as they wandered the halls. Finally, they made it back to Levi's quarters.

"Your room is next to mine. It should be ready by now. Isabel and Farlan's room is across the hall from our rooms," Levi tsked. "The fucking lovebirds."

"Oh," Eren mumbled, somewhat sadly. He wished he and Levi shared a room.

"Don't worry about your uniform. It'll get back to you," Levi said before putting a hand on his shoulder. "If you have any more nightmares and want to talk, or just don't want to be alone, you're welcome to come to me."

Eren smiled brightly. "Thank you, Levi!" the short man nodded, his cheeks a faint pink, before entering his room. Eren sighed dreamily before entering his own room. He then slumped against his door and squealed into his hands. He couldn't believe it. He'd just slept in the same bed as Levi! Not only that, but Levi had said it was okay for him to do it again! He giggled with a dopey grin plastered on his face as he collapsed onto his bed.

A couple of minutes later there was a knock on his door. He jumped up, checked his clothes, and opened the door. Isabel and Farlan stood on the other side. Isabel grinned at him. "Hey, Eren, Levi said you're really good, but I want ta see ya in action!"

"Yeah, you must be really badass for Levi to handpick you," Farlan nodded with a teasing smirk. Eren chuckled.

"I suppose I am. I lost count of how many titans I killed," he licked his lips. "I do not mind going through some drills for you. Lead the way."

"Alrighty then!" Isabel cheered, enthusiastically. She spun on her heel and marched off, Farlan hot on her trail. Eren smirked as he followed, leisurely. They stopped so Eren could strap on his gear. When they got to the cliff, Levi was already there.

"Took you brats long enough," he said, scrunching his nose up cutely. Eren smiled at the sight. "Alright, let's get this over with already."

"Mhm," Eren hummed, winking at Levi before aiming his hooks. He shot off and made sure to do some unnecessary flips. Isabel and Farlan wanted a show. They were going to get one. Once again, he felt Levi's eyes on him. Once again, he felt his instincts take over. And he fluidly twirled before landing next to Levi, slightly winded. "How did I do? I hope I lived up to your expectations."

Isabel and Farlan were clearly in shock, but that didn't last long. "That was amazing!" Isabel squealed. "You're almost as good as big bro!"

"Thanks," he blushed and shyly glanced at said man. Levi was smiling softly and Eren felt as if his heart had just bloomed. "But I am nothing compared to Levi."

"Don't put yourself down, kid," Levi murmured from behind him and Eren couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips when he felt his love's hand on his shoulder. "You're good. Keep up the hard work."

"Thank you."

"Ew," Isabel gagged and Farlan laughed. "You two are so gross!"

"Shut up!" Levi snapped, removing his hand from Eren, his cheeks dusted pink. Eren's eyes darted to the man's lips before he quickly looked away. How he wanted to taste those lips. "Eren," he snapped back to attention. "The other recruits are almost here. Do you want to go see you're friends?"

Eren smiled widely. "Very much, sir!"

"Let's go then."


	8. acht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 57th expedition begins.

"Flowers!" Eren shouted when he spotted them. He jumped onto them and threaded his fingers through their hair immediately. They both laughed and pulled him into a hug. Eren melted into it with a content smile.

"Eren," Mikasa greeted with a small smile. He turned to her, subtly checking her wound as he did so, and kissed her forehead before doing the same with Armin.

"Do your wounds hurt?" he asked, looking at Armin worriedly, his gaze flickering between them. Armin laughed and Eren glared at him, pinching his ears as Carla did. "Hush. It is no laughing matter. What if they get infected?"

"No, Eren. We're fine," the blond boy placated, rubbing his now sore ear. Eren's teal eyes darkened before brightening again. He turned to Levi, who'd been hanging in the back, awkwardly, with an excited smile on his face.

"Levi! Meet my flowers!" he said, his eyes sparkling. He patted Armin's head. "This is my little sunflower, Armin. He is very clever," he almost cooed. He turned to Mikasa and ruffled her hair. "And this is my beautiful moonflower, Mikasa. She is very strong."

Levi looked as if he was fighting back a grin, his eyes soft. "Flowers?" Eren nodded enthusiastically. "Well then, Eren, aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Oh, yes!" he laughed. "Sunflower, moonflower, meet cypress!"

"Cypress?" Levi quirked a brow. "Do you name everyone after flowers?"

Armin decided to explain in place of Eren and he felt grateful. "Only with people he cares about deeply," he felt that gratitude die a painful death, only to be replaced by mortification. "You must mean a lot to him, sir!"

"Is that so?" Levi smirked at him and Eren wasn't sure if he was enjoying the attention or not. He nodded, meekly. Levi huffed. "Brat."

"Eren?" a voice sounded behind him and he felt someone shuffle past Armin and Mikasa to punch him in the shoulder, playfully. It was Connie and Sasha. Connie noticed Levi was a gasp. "So, it's true. You really are part of Squad Levi now, huh? I thought for sure it was a mix-up. Damn, Eren!"

Eren snorted. "The amount of faith you have in me is, as always, astounding."

"How's the food?" Sasha exclaimed with a blush, already drooling. "Is it good?"

"Sasha, I've only been here a day. Besides you can find out yourself," he heard Levi laugh from behind him. "Sir?"

"It's back to sir now?" Levi smirked, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "But I thought I was 'cypress' to you?"

Connie laughed loudly. "You gave him a nickname? Oh, that's rich!"

"Hush!" Eren hissed, his hand flying up to pinch Connie's ear. Carla was a bad influence.

"Eren gave  _the_ Captain Levi a nickname?" Jean practically neighed as he walked towards them. Marco following him with an apologetic smile.

"Shut up, horse face. No one cares what you think," Eren dismissed immediately. He greeted Marco with a delighted grin. "Freckles!" he said as he hugged the brown haired boy. Marco laughed and returned the hug.

"You know, we  _all_ think it's  _really_ cute how you call Marco 'Freckles,' but could you stop?" Jean remarked, dryly. Eren simply flipped him off.

"No. I cannot," he sighed. "His freckles are just too holy to ignore."

"Leave Eren alone, Jean," Marco smiled sweetly. "He's not hurting anyone."

"Horseface, huh?" everyone, aside from Mikasa, jumped at Levi's voice. "He kind of does look like one."

"Yes, it is weird," Eren agreed solemnly. "Poor Jean. He will probably die alone."

"Eren!" Marco admonished. He winced.

"It is the truth!"

"At least I'm not freakishly obsessed with Captain Levi!" Jean shrieked angrily. Eren's face paled and he put a hand on his chest in offended rage.

"I trusted you!" he hissed out, seething. His previously pale face now red with anger and embarrassment.

"Shut the fuck up,  _horse face ,_" Levi said. Eren looked at him with questioning eyes. "You seem to be pretty fucking obsessed with someone yourself," he calmly gestured to Marco, smirking when Jean blushed. "Doesn't feel good, huh, dipshit?"

Jean sheepishly turned his head away. Levi huffed and turned to Eren. He winked. Eren blushed and averted his eyes as he went back to talking to his friends. Eren could feel Levi's burning gaze on him for the rest of the day. He liked it.

After spending the rest of the day with his friends, with Levi's permission, Eren finally retired to his room. He felt terrible. He locked his door behind him and painfully shuffled towards his washroom. Upon entering, his stomach rumbled and he gasped in pain. It felt as if something was stabbing him from the inside out. He whined as he rubbed his stomach in an effort to ease the pain. It proved useless as his stomach heaved in pain again.

Eren lunged for the toilet, making it just in time as the sick left his stomach. He threw up a few more times before he was dry heaving. He gasped wetly as his stomach heaved once more. Eren shakily reached up and flushed his sick away from his sight. He collapsed onto the floor, rubbing his aching belly, and realized he was crying.

He stayed there for the remainder of the night and only got up to shower. On his way to the mess hall, his stomach growled and he was horrified when it dawned on him. He was hungry.

~~~~~~~~~~

The month they had to relax passed quickly. This was their last day of leisure. Eren didn't particularly mind. He had done a lot in the time allotted to him. He'd gotten much closer to Levi and he could say, with confidence, that he was one of the man's closest friends. The only downside was the nights he spent ridding his body of the food it had so desperately wanted before. It kept happening. An endless cycle. He wanted it to stop so, he refused to eat anymore.

Despite that, Eren had really enjoyed the past month. He'd talked to Hange more about titans and the experiments they could perform together. Their assistant, Moblit was no longer sick but said he'd rather not come back to work just yet. Eren was fine with that, ecstatic even. He'd always loved torturing his evil kin. In fact, today was the day Hange was going to look over his files to see if he was qualified, at Erwin's request. Eren was glad Armin had had the foresight to forge his files.

"Hmm. Jager....ah! Here it is!" Hange shouted triumphantly, waving a file in the air. Eren chuckled from his seat in the dusty archives. "' _ Eren Jaeger. Born in Shiganshina. Son of Carla Jaeger. Joined at the age of fifteen. Part of the 104th Cadet Corps. Graduated fifth in his year, despite his outstanding physical ability, due to his low grades, _ '" they recited humming thoughtfully. They read a bit more before nodding. They smiled and threw the file back where they found it, carelessly. "Yep! I believe you're perfect for the job!"

Eren let the surprise show on his face. "Really? But what of my grades?"

"Don't be silly! I don't care about your grades! I care about your enthusiasm and you, my friend, have a lot of it," they laughed as they made their way out. Eren smiled.

"Of course," he mumbled. He followed them before stopping as a thought hit him, abruptly. "Hange? If I may, could I see Levi's files?"

They didn't turn around, but he didn't need to see them to know they were smiling. "Oh? Why, yes, of course! Knock yourself out, kiddo!"

"Thank you!" Eren called after them. He turned towards the files and immediately began pilfering through them. After some trial and error, he finally found Levi's. He eagerly opened it and set to reading.

_ Lieutenant (also known as Captain and Corporal) in the Survey Corps, he leads the Special Operation Squad  (Squad Levi) that consists of handpicked soldiers.  Incredible skills in combat that have earned him the title of "Humanity's Strongest Soldier." He is Commander Erwin's most trusted soldier. _

"Wow," he breathed into the musty air, his eyes wide in astonishment. He quickly turned to the personal section and read it quickly.

_ Has a rude and, sometimes, highly strung attitude. A powerful sense of duty. Extreme clean freak, and feels the need to clean every nook and cranny of any outpost he inhabits. _

Eyes brightening as an idea hit him. Eren put all the files away. He skipped went to the cleaning supplies, tying a cloth over his hair and mouth as he'd seen Levi so, before hurrying back down into the archives. He put down his burden with a huff and surveyed the musty room. He had his work cut out for him. Eren smiled and set to work.

~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning he woke up slumped over a bucket of soapy water. He yawned and struggled to get up. Slowly, he picked up the cleaning supplies, put them up, and shuffled to his room. It was pretty early, thankfully. No one was up yet. Eren brushed his teeth before sluggishly pulling his clothes off. He threw them into the hamper, carelessly, and jumped into the cold shower. He gasped as the frigid water hit his body, effectively waking him up. With renewed vigor, he finished his morning routine quickly.

"Finally," he yawned, pulling his boots on. Now that he was clad in uniform he decided to see if Levi was up. He crept carefully into the hall and knocked on Levi's door.

"What?" he heard the man snap. Eren smiled and let himself in, closing the door behind him. Levi looked up from his cluttered desk full of paperwork, his face twisted into a snarl. "I didn't fucking say you could come in - Eren?"

"Pardon the intrusion," the boy offered, unapologetically. Levi simply stared at him. After a moment, he stood up and made his way to Eren.

"Don't worry about it," the short man smiled, guiding Eren by his shoulders to a seat in front of his desk. He pushed Eren into it. "Perfect timing. You can help me with this stupid shit."

Eren cringed. "I would rather not."

"Shut the fuck up and do it, brat."

"Yes, cypress."

They spent the remaining time they had before the expedition going through multiple forms in comfortable silence. Surprisingly, it was nice. There was a snug, warm feeling in the air around them and Eren found it soothed all the anxiety that had been building up throughout the month. He felt safe under Levi's occasional glances and smiles. Eren basked in it. 

The time passed quickly, with Eren sad to see it go, and suddenly they were standing at the gate, ready to embark on their mission. Eren's heart thumped hard in his chest.

"The Survey Corps! So cool!" a child squealed from the crowd that watched them. Eren smiled at the boy and, who he assumed was, the boy's sister. They were two of the thousands he was fighting for.

"This is it! The time has come! Show us what you can do!" a soldier shouted enthusiastically. A chorus of agreement answered him and Eren shouted with them.

Commander Erwin raised his blade and shouted. "Begin the 57th expedition!"

They advanced into titan territory. And Eren breathed in the fresh air greedily. He threw his head back and gazes at the sky, almost laughing as the euphoria of being free hit him. If there was one thing he missed from his days as a titan it was this. The taste of fresh air on his tongue, the blue of the open skies, and the wide expanse of adventure in front of him. It was beautiful. They split into their groups and Eren went on full alert, having already prepared his signal flare. He scanned the area cautiously, sniffing the air. Anxiety filled his core, lapping at his insides, and bubbling up his throat. Armin and Mikasa were out there alone.

"Oi!" Levi barked, sharply and Eren jerked to look at him. He was frowning, but his eyes were soft with concern. "Calm down, brat. They're going to be fine."

"Okay," he exhaled, shakily, and refocused on surveying the terrain for any threats. Levi watched him, doubtfully.

"I know you're worried. I was the first time Izzie, Farlan, and I went on an expedition. Erwin has a habit of separating people from them," he chuckled. "I was scared shitless the entire time. I know it's hard, but it's going to be fine. Trust me."

"I do trust you, Levi. I would trust you with my life," Eren smiled, his worries eased for now. He was grateful that Levi was here. The man always knew what he needed to here.

"You do?" Levi blinked, his ears turning red as he blushed. He grumbled when Eren nodded and turned away. "That's.......nice."

Eren laughed. Isabel groaned from behind them. "Come on, big bro! You can do better than that. That was so lame!"

"No one asked for your opinion!" Levi hissed, steadily ignoring Eren's gaze. Farlan simply shook his head with a fond chuckle. Eren took his eyes off of Levi and scanned the sky only to freeze. Dread flooded his bloodstream, making his heart stutter. There, in the sky, was a bloom of black smoke. In the direction, Armin's group had gone.

He smelled it before he saw it. Felt the ground shaking before he heard it. And it made his lips curl into a snarl worthy of the apex predator he was. Eren narrowed his eyes into thin, menacingly green slits. He growled lowly.  _"Annie."_  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it isn't too exciting yet, but don't worry, we ARE getting there! We'll dive in in the next chapter! But until then, I hope you enjoy this one. Thank you so much for the support!


	9. neun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did something.......uh.....lets just say there's major character death. Sorry not sorry. And let's not forget the angst.

_No!,_ he wanted to scream, but his lips wouldn't move. His tongue uncooperative.  _Why? Why can't you leave them alone?_

Eren slipped off of his horse in his panic, deeming it better to run there on foot. He was struggling. Fighting himself. He wanted to go to Armin and Mikasa. He wanted to make sure they were safe, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Levi. He stared at the raven-haired man, his mind racing, his breath coming in short gasps, his eyes wide as he panicked. He didn't know what to do. He was torn. Who should he choose?

"Eren," Levi said, having already dismounted from his own horse, making his way to Eren. He threaded his fingers through the teen's brown locks, resting their foreheads together, and closed his eyes. Eren could feel his breath fanning over his face, the warmth sinking into his skin, spreading throughout his entire body, and he relaxed. "Calm down. You're okay, they're okay. They wouldn't have been able to fire the signal gun if they weren't."

Who could he live without?

Eren felt better, but he couldn't shake off the realization that had just washed over him. He stood there, with Levi, fighting back tears at the very thought. He'd abandon Armin and Mikasa for Levi. In a heartbeat and he couldn't even bring himself to feel guilty for it. All he could do is hope that it never came to that and if it did all he could do is mourn them. His chest ached, faintly. "Thank you, Levi."

"No problem, brat," Levi said as he pulled back and he could only feel sadness at the joy that shot through him at the sight of the man's lips curling upwards in a crooked grin.

"Levi, do we continue?" Isabel asked after they'd mounted their horses once more. Levi only nodded, keeping a watchful eye on Eren. He stiffened when Eren's nostrils flared and he growled once more. She was close. Very close. Eren would kill her.

"Eren?" Levi followed his gaze and his eyes widened, marginally. "What the everliving fuck? A female titan?"

There she was in all her glory. Skinless and fifteen meters. Running straight for them. Eren's lip curled in disgust. "It would seem so. Orders?"

If Levi was surprised by his cold tone, he didn't show it. "Don't engage. Just....avoid it for now. Something is wrong."

"Yes, sir!" they chorused and Eren's rage was briefly dampened by pride. His Levi had good instincts. It faded somewhat when, after a while, they got under the cover of one of the many forests outside the Walls. The trees in this one were especially large but familiar. They were in Eren's old territory.

He looked at her and hissed.  _ **"Come in, Annie."**_

As if she was listening, she sped up and Eren felt a sick sense of satisfaction. He knew this forest like the front of his palm or the back of his hand. Down to every line and curve. He'd win. Isabel glanced at her, worriedly. "She's on top of us!"

"Shit!" Farlan cursed, pushing his horse harder. He pulled up next to Levi and Eren almost snapped at him, his instincts raging. "Levi, we can't do this much longer! The horses can't take it!"

"Fuck, I know!" he growled and he pulled out his blades. "We'll just have to get rid of the bitch. You know what to do. Just like we practiced, right, Eren?"

"Right!" the teal eyed boy nodded, pulling out his own blades, following their lead. He'd let them weaken her before going in for the kill. It proved useless when she hardened the skin of her nape. "Fuck!"

"She can harden her skin?" Isabel cried out in frustration.

"Doesn't matter! Weaken her!" Farlan answered. They jumped back into the fight.

Levi cursed and reached for them, unsuccessfully. "Shit, guys, no! Get the fuck back here!"

They didn't listen.

"I said get back here! Right now! Isabel! Farlan!"

It was their downfall.

**"Izzie! Far!"**

It was harrowing to watch as Annie snagged their cables. He watched in horror as she brought a kicking Isabel to her mouth, biting her head off before spitting it out and dropping her body. Eren watched the red-haired woman roll to a stop before the tree Levi resided in. Another wet  _crunch_  sounded out and he tried to keep from looking. He failed. Annie threw Farlan's severed top half next to Isabel's head and spit his lower half out in the other direction.

Eren watched Levi. It was a devastating sight. To see someone you love so completely  _shattered._ And Eren broke with him. He roared in white, hot fury and charged. He knew Levi would follow. His blades sliced through her flesh like butter and he knew she wasn't leaving this forest alive. Apparently, she did too, and she screamed for aid. Eren stabbed into her throat viciously, turning her wails into wet gargles.  _ **"Shut up,"**_  he seethed.  _ **"You do not deserve aid."**_

Her pale blue eyes widened in fear and he could almost hear her begging. He smiled thinly, his eyes closed, relishing in her gurgled screams as Levi tore her apart. She wouldn't bother them ever again. Eren made sure of that when her body fell to the ground. He checked her human body and stabbed her through the heart, breaking his blade off there, just in case, before hiding her corpse from Levi's field of vision.

When he finished he cautiously approached Levi. He was staring at Isabel and Farlan. Or what was left of them. Eren's heart ached for him. He embraced Levi from behind and rested his head on his shoulder. He rubbed the man's clenched hands, soothingly, muttering soft reassurances in his ear. Finally, Levi spoke. "Why? Why did this fucking happen, Eren?"

"I do not know," Eren answered. It wasn't enough. Levi ripped himself from the embrace and turned to Eren. His eyes were rimmed in red, glossy in grief.

"They were going to get married, you know? Had been talking about it for the past three years!" he smiled, tears dripping from his chin onto his cravat. "They were so excited and in love. I was happy for them. They were going to have kids, Eren. And they were going to be the best damn parents out there!" his voice broke and he was openly sobbing now. "Why do these things happen to good people?"

Eren didn't say anything, just pulled Levi flush to his body and held him. Levi cried loudly and openly into Eren's chest. His sobs echoing throughout the clearing and Eren had never felt so useless. "There is nothing I can say that will make this easier. I know it hurts. It feels like it is the end of the world and, most of all, the guilt hurts the most. But I want you to know it is not your fault."

Levi sniffed and looked at him, his face open and vulnerable. If Eren wanted to he could break him. "I could've fucking done something-"

"Levi!" Eren spoke, harshly. " _It. Is. Not. Your. Fault._ How could you have known? That this would happen?" he waited. "You could not! No one could! Do not blame yourself. They would hate that and you know it. I am not saying that you should forget them, but I am saying that you deserve to be happy. I understand you need to grieve. So, when you need to cry, cry. When you need to scream, scream! And if you need to break things then, by the Walls, you break them!" he smiled a bit and brushed his nose against Levi's, looking straight into his beautiful eyes. "But always remember that it was not your fault."

"Eren," Levi breathed. He didn't expect Levi to surge upwards and catch his lips in a searing kiss. His mind went blank before he kissed back with just as much fervor. All he could taste was Levi, all he could smell was Levi,all he could think was  _Levi, Levi, Levi._

They clung to each other, bruising their lips and clanking their teeth together painfully, but Eren didn't care. Only cared that he couldn’t pull Levi closer. He was certain bruises would have been left on his hips where Levi’s fingers were digging in, like claws against his flushed skin. Levi felt so desperate in Eren’s arms, almost like passion had overrun him, but there was a sadness to him as well. Eren knew it wasn't a real kiss, but it was one helluva kiss all the same.

There was something else there. Something Eren hadn't felt from Levi before. It was in the way he moved against Eren, how he moaned Eren's name against his mouth, the way his tongue moved as if Levi couldn’t taste him enough, the way it felt like Levi was trying to eat him alive when he bit at his lips. How they kept kissing and kissing and kissing. How they grappled and fought for more and more of each other.

He knew he'd remember this kiss for the rest of his life and his heart ached.

Levi pulled away from Eren's lips, sucking on his bottom lip once more. They gasped for air, sucking it into their lungs greedily. Eren had never felt more alive. He'd never felt as happy. He'd never felt as sad. Belatedly, he realized he was crying and he wiped the tears away. Levi reached up, hands still tangled in Eren's hair, and brushed their lips together briefly.

"Better?" Eren asked, keeping his voice even. He couldn't let Levi know how much it hurt, how it felt as if someone had ripped open his chest and stomped on his heart. Levi only nodded, his eyes tired, and Eren picked him up. Luckily, Levi went without complaint. Eren whistled and waited. He almost collapsed in relief when his horse trotted up. He secured Levi before mounting. "Let's get out of here," he breathed and urged his horse forward. They needed to find Commander Erwin or Hange.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Eren! What're you doing here?" Hange screeched when he rode into their line of sight. "Is that Levi? Where are Isabel and Farlan?"

Levi let out a faint cry of pain and Eren leveled Hange with one his best glares. They flinched, their eyes lighting up with understanding. Eren dismounted his horse and pulled Levi into his arms, carefully.

"Do I need to take him?" Hange asked, worriedly. Eren nodded, but Levi struggled out of his grip. He let him and watched him warily.

"I don't need to ride with you," he grumbled, a bit of fire returning to his glazed eyes. "I'm not a fucking invalid."

Eren smiled. "Do you have any spare horses?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea-"

"Get him a horse," he spoke carefully before quickly climbing on his own.

Levi shot him a panicked look. "Where are you going?"

"I am going to check on Armin," Eren answered, eyes searching Levi's.

"I'll go with you," the short man said quickly.

"You are in no condition to do that," Eren said, softly. "Please stay here."

"No! You're not leaving me!" Levi spat. "I'm coming with you."

Eren brushed his hand over Levi's lips. "I will come back."

"Promise!" Levi shouted and gripped his hand tightly, his knuckles turning white. His voice broke. "Promise you'll come back!"

"I promise," he smiled and blushed when Levi nuzzled into his palm before letting him go. Eren took that as his cue to go and spurred his horse towards the right wing where Armin was.

He passed by old villages on the way. The metallic scent of blood and death lingering even after five years. It was suffocating and disgusted him to his very core. After a while, he saw two figures in the distance and he pushed his horse harder. It was Marco and Jean. Marco smiled when he saw him and Jean frowned. Both ignored the blood covering his cloak.

"Eren!" Marco waved as approached. Eren smiled.

"Freckles. Have you seen my sunflower?" he asked, trying to push down the disappointment that had filled his being when he found out they were not who he was looking for.

Marco shook his head. "No, but Jean has."

"Horseface, where is he? Is he injured? Is he.....," he couldn't bring himself to utter the words and tightened his grip on the reins.

"You're such a mother hen," Jean mocked. "And his name is  _Armin._ Not sunflower.  _Armin._ "

"I do not have the patience for your bullshit,  _Jean,_ " he hissed out, angrily. " _Where. Is. He?"_

"Calm down! Damn," Jean shook his head. "Reiner's with him. He's fine."

Eren turned to Marco. "Can you take me to him?"

"Of course," Marco smiled sweetly and shot Jean a warning look when he tried to protest. Jean pouted.

For a while, there was nothing but the trees and grass to see. No humans or titans. It did nothing to help Eren's anxiety. When they did spot two bright, blond heads of hair it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He pushed his horse harder.

"Sunflower!" he shouted when he was close enough for the other to hear.

"Eren?" Armin said loudly, in surprise.

"Are you okay? How is your cheek? Do you have any new injuries?" Eren questioned quickly, leaving no room for answers. Reiner only watched the exchange in amusement before the wind shifted. His eyes widened in fear and Eren smiled thinly.

"Am I okay?" Armin asked indignantly. "Are  _you_  okay? Why are you covered in blood? Where's your squad?"

Eren smiled, sadly. "I am fine. Levi and I fought the female titan. I am glad it is over."

"You fought the female titan?" Reiner asked, his face pale. Eren nodded, smiling innocently.

"Yes. Did you not hear her screams? It was very loud," he watched Reiner through narrowed eyes. "Up until I cut out her vocal chords."

Reiner looked away and Eren's smile widened. Armin's brow furrowed. "Eren, Annie was the female titan."

"She was?" Eren faked surprise and then twisted his face in grief. "I didn't know."

"Annie?" Marco gasped from beside him. "A titan? How? Are you sure?"

Jean snarled. "Armin's right. It adds up. She was playing with us this whole time."

"I think it is safe to assume there are more titans hiding among us. Do you not think so, Reiner?" Eren asked.

"We should tell Commander Erwin immediately." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to kill her. I had to for the plot! Also, more death to come. Yay!


	10. zehn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot comes out to play.
> 
> WARNING: TORTURE AND GORE IS DESCRIBED HEAVILY IN THIS CHAPTER. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE.

"Are you positive?" Erwin asked, his brow furrowing. He slowed his horse to a complete stop, the others copying. Eren only nodded solemnly.

"I'm afraid so, sir," Armin spoke, timidly. His eyes were wide with fear and anxiety, his voice breaking. "It's the only logical explanation."

"Explain," the Commander ordered, his eyes hardening. Armin gulped, nervously.

"The deaths of the two captured Titans, Sonny, and Bean were the main factor. All trainees were immediately called in to have their Maneuver Gear inspected to see if any had been used recently," Armin inhaled, gathering his thoughts before he continued. "Annie used Mina's gear instead of her own, I noticed this and knew something wasn't right. When the Female Titan appeared, I caught a glimpse of its eyes. They weren't glazed over, but intelligent. I knew this wasn't a titan and was likely the culprit. Since the only one who would kill those two Titans would be a traitor to humanity. Even more, after seeing the Female's actions and how she resembled Annie, I concluded it must be her."

Erwin nodded, mulling it over. "And you're sure there are more of these "titan shifters" among us?"

"Yes, there is no doubt," Eren answered in place of Armin. He stood beside Levi, letting the man clutch at his arm. He knew this must be hard on his cypress. "I suggest tests should be administered immediately."

"What kinds of tests are you proposing, soldier?" Erwin raised a hand, cutting Hange off before they'd even started, his eyes lighting up in interest.

"It would be safe to say that a titan shifter possesses the same abilities as titans, no?" he grinned. "Such as healing and a higher than average body temperature."

"Brilliant!" Hange cried, ignoring Erwin's glare. "We need to do it now! Imagine the things I could unlock with test subjects that are, essentially, human and titan!"

Eren ignored them. "Levi and I will go first?" he phrased it as a question, waiting for Levi's approval. He nodded and let Eren guide him to a medical wagon. Hange was, somehow, already there.

"Levi first!" they giggled, pulling Levi close to them. There was a rustling noise as they sifted through the supplies. "Might as well," they hummed as they pulled out a funny little hammer that made Levi's knees jerk. Eren didn't understand what was happening and was slightly fearful. He hovered protectively over Levi, unable to help himself. "Good reactions! I'd expect nothing less," they gushed.

"Shut the fuck up," Levi hissed. "Let's get this over with."

"Alright, munchkin," Hange said, they're eyes softening. They put a long glass tube in Levi's mouth and waited. Eren was miffed at the gesture. What could a glass tube do when it came to health? One minute later had Hange taking the glass away. "Slightly cold, but that's normal for you. Now, to the blood tests."

"Blood tests?" Eren asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. Hange grinned at him.

"Don't worry! I have permission!" they laughed and pulled out a syringe. Eren froze, watching the metallic glint of the sun reflecting off of it. Levi grunted and held out his arm, letting Hange wrap a cord around it. They quickly drew the blood and set the vial down carefully. They watched the puncture in Levi's skin for a few seconds before laughing. "Looks like our little munchkin is just that! Little!"

"Fuck off," Levi growled, already pushing Eren to take his place. Eren felt nauseous and closed his eyes as Hange hit his knees with the little hammer. Hange seemed to slowly go through his inspection. Especially the blood drawing part. Eren knew why but wished they wouldn't. He'd never had one before and he'd still gotten into the military. That was rare.

"Slightly warm," they said, examining the glass tube. "But other than that you seem to be quite healthy, Eren!"

Eren sighed in relief, thankful that his attempt at keeping his temperature under control had been successful. He opened his mouth to speak but a loud, thumping stopped him. The ground shook, a deep bass pounding into the earth. Eren smelled them before he saw them. Three, maybe four and they were big.

_"Titans!"_

"Shit!" Levi cursed and reached for Eren. He never got to him. A titan came barreling through their makeshift camp and hit Eren dead on. Eren screamed as his arm and leg were ripped off by the force of what would've been a graze in his original form. Levi watched in horror as blood pulled around him. "Eren! No, don't you dare leave me! Don't you  _dare_ die, do you hear me? You're not allowed to die!"

"Levi.....," Eren smiled and let his eyes droop shut. Images of his past flashed before his eyes and he groaned. It hurt. It hurt.  _ It hurt. Ithurtithurtithurtithurtithurtithurt_ ** _ithurt. _ **

"Fuck!" he faintly heard Levi curse in frustration. "Hange! He needs medical attention now!"

"I know!" suddenly hands were on him and he winced when they brushed his wounds. His eyes snapped open, rolling to look at his side.  _That's funny_ , he thought deliriously.  _My arm and leg are gone._

"Eren!" cold hands gripped his face and suddenly Levi was all he could see. Levi's beautiful metallic blue eyes that held even the stars captive, his nettle lips, his tongue of wine darting out to lick them, and his soft dark raven locks.

"Beautiful," Eren breathed and giggled when Levi blinked in surprise. He watched as Levi shook his head, pink dusting his cheeks, and he wondered if he would ever taste those lips again. He sighed. "Levi."

"None of that sappy shit now, brat," he snapped, voice lacking its usual bite. "Listen to me. I need you to stay awake for me, okay? Can you do that?"

Eren hummed, his eyelids heavy, and tried to speak around his swollen tongue. He was just so tired. "Tired," he mumbled, his lips barely moving. "So tired."

"I know, Eren, I know. But I need you to stay awake, okay?" Levi slapped him on the cheek. He blinked his eyes rapidly. "You can do that. Just stay awake until Hange's done, okay?"

Blinking his eyes open once more, he nodded trying to say, "Okay," but all that came out was, "K."

"This might hurt a little," he heard over the pounding in his ears before what was left of his arm and leg exploded in pain. It stung it's way through his body, reminding him much of his "father's" lessons. He screamed. "I know, I know, I'm sorry!"

"Stobbit," he rasped. "Hurts."

"I know it does, sweetie, I know it does," a voice he now recognized as Hange cooed. "I'm almost done."

"Hurts," Eren slurred, his eyes dilating. His vision faded in and out, white to black in brief flashes. Levi, a reassuring pressure on his chest, ran his fingers through his hair.

"All done!" a tugging on his thigh and then the pressure was gone. Then, he was being lifted and was in Levi's arms. Levi said a quick goodbye to Hange and ran off, searching for a safe spot to deposit Eren.

"Captain!" a voice cried -  _neighed?_  - out to them. Levi changed direction and then the voice was louder. In his ear. "Put him here!"

"What's wrong with Bott?" Levi inquired, slightly breathless, as he set Eren down. Eren whined at the loss. "Hush, Eren. I'll be right back I promise."

"He took a rock to the head, but he'll be fine!" it was Jean, Eren realized. "He'll probably be concussed though."

"They're safe here?" at Jean's multiple reassurances Levi parted with Eren. "Let's go."

"Yes, sir!"

Eren opened his eyes and watched their blurry figures take flight. He struggled for a moment before giving up, letting his eyes fall shut once more.

~~~~~~~~~~

Black.

It surrounded him. Covering him in its nothingness. Until there was a spark of color, a flash of red, a pleasant smell flooding his senses. Drool pooled in his mouth, running down his chin in little rivulets.

He was  _so hungry._

He reached for the smell that promised to quell his hunger. Pulled it to his body and bit down hard. An ugly  _crack_ echoed in the blackness and then it exploded into red. A pulsing, pooling, red that tasted sweet. Like the air smelled on the days cherry blossoms bloomed. It coated his tongue and teeth.

Bliss.

He was in bliss. And he wanted more. One bite wouldn't do. Maybe two? Five? Ten? Twelve? He licked his lips. No, it still wasn't enough. Thirteen? Twenty? Twenty-five? Thirty? Yes.  _Yes,_ something in him growled.  _We are whole now._

 _Whole?_ he thought in confusion.  _When was I not whole?_ Eren woke up slowly and then, all at once. The first thing he noticed was his healed limbs. The second thing he noticed was the blood. It was everywhere. Caked on his hands, hair, and clothes. Under his nails and tongue. Filling him up.

He felt nauseous.

The third thing he noticed was the half-eaten body in front of him. "Marco...."

Eren stopped breathing. Staring at the grim face of his now dead comrade. He did this. In his silence, he screamed with his whole body. His eyes were wide with horror, his mouth rigid and open, his chalky face pale and immobile, his fists clenched with strained knuckles, nails digging deeply into the palms of his hands. Suddenly, a scream pierced the air much like the titan's bellows around him. Ripped its way from his throat like a shard of glass. Echoed throughout the tall trees making the origin hard to pinpoint. The first cries were undoubtedly terror. The next were of pain, garbling and pitiful. 

He couldn't breathe.

Tears ran down his face, one after the other. His sobs racking his body. His gore covered hands pulling at his thick hair, pink spittle flying out as he heaved. "I'm sorry," he rasped. "Sorrysorrysorrysorry."

His vision shook. Black spots clouding it, making it feel strangely fuzzy. His head felt light. His lungs burned. His body felt too big for his skin. His skin too tight. Eren felt like he was missing a limb. Which was a funny thought since he'd been missing two of them minutes ago. More sobs racked their way through him. They were silent, he couldn't hear. A tingling started in his fingertips. His vision faded out and he let himself go willingly.

He shouldn't have been surprised when all he did was transform back into his original form. The rush of heat that coiled through his body was familiar, comforting. He hated it. It seemed no matter how hard he tried he would never truly escape what he was.

Eren Jaeger was not a boy, not a titan, but a monster.

~~~~~~~~~~

_ He dully observed the white walls of the room from his spot on the metal table, noticing the blood had been washed off like it had never happened. He could almost pretend it hadn't. If only he could forget _

_"Dr. Jaeger? He's ready."_

_"Good. Start immediately."_

_ "Yes sir," he saw the scalpel, glinting menacingly in the white light, hovering over his right eye. And he screamed when the cut was made, feeling the gush of blood running down his cheek. "It's healing much faster than our previous attempts." _

_ "Continue," he doesn't understand the man nor can he see him, but he hated his voice. A quick slice of his remaining eye and he's blinded. He quickly closed them, trying to alleviate the pain. The brushing of his eyelids against the open wounds made it worse. A muffled scream. "It seems Hunter is being defiant today. Fix that." _

_"The drill, sir?"_

_"No. The salt."_

_Fear coursed through him at the familiar words. The drill and salt. He hated them. They hurt the most. He felt the small human force his eyes open and screamed at the stinging sensation of salt in his wounded eyes. He screamed until he couldn't. Until they finally washed away the salt. He greedily inhaled as the pain slowly faded. He opened his eyes and looked at his assailant with disdain._

_ "Now, it's time for the drill," his eyes widened in alarm. The drill was the worst. He could handle the cutting, the bone breaking, the salt rubbing. He hated the drill. He whined at the thought, his eyes pleading for mercy. _

_He was given none._

_ The scream that left his lips was garbled, choked in its intensity. It was the kind of scream that made the blood run cold. The kind that haunted people at night. The kind full of pain and suffering. It seemed to be the only thing he could do right. He hated it. He just wanted it to end. _

_ "I've seen enough for today," the voice snapped after what felt like an eternity. He knew, instinctually, it had been only half a day. He rasped, his aching body steaming as it tried to heal itself. He wanted it to stop. To go back to the way it was before they'd found out he could shift. To the days where he had friends, a family. _

_When he wasn't tortured daily._

_"Tomorrow we'll do something different. I'll bring Zeke in," the voice echoed through the room when the human had left. He growled feebly. "He'll teach you how to read and give you some texts. We'll record how much your primitive brain can improve."_

_He hated that man._

~~~~~~~~~~

"Eren," Mikasa breathed, her eyes hollow. She couldn't believe it. Eren would never. He would never eat someone. And yet, it had happened before her eyes. She had watched, perched on a tree, as her brother ate their comrade, Marco Bott.

It was horrifying.

The look on Eren's face had been pure bliss. Much like the titans swarming them. His entire face lighting up in excitement. He had bitten into Marco's arm eagerly, like a starved man. He'd licked the blood from his fingers like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted. She dully reasoned it very well might be. She didn't know.

She didn't know  _him._

Mikasa felt like crying, a foreign pricking in her eyes. Her beloved brother, a stranger. The very thought was absurd, but as she watched him move on from Marco's arm to his leg she knew it could be true. Deep in her mind, she knew Eren had never lied to her. He'd always been so telling with lies or had he? She shook her head, her eyes hardening. No. This was  _Eren. _ An eighteen-year-old boy who would cry if he hurt a fly.

"Marco....," she heard his hushed words from her perch, the wind carrying them to her ears. And she watched, transfixed, as Eren's wounds started steaming, healing before her eyes.  _Titan,_ her mind whispered fearfully and she shoved it down violently.  _Eren  would never hurt me._

The scream that echoed throughout the trees moments later shook her to her core. It was full of so much agony and sadness. It was Eren. She prepared to run to his aid automatically only to stop when she noticed the steam from his wounds swirling around him. A series of sickening _cracks_ echoed and Mikasa watched as Eren's body seemed to expand, his clothes useless scraps as his skin split. Suddenly, there was a titan in Eren's place. His cheeks gaunt, his nose hooked, his ears pointed and twitching, his hair falling over his eyes. Eyes that she recognized as Eren's. Beautiful gems that couldn't seem to choose between blue or green. "Eren."

"More titans are coming! Ten of them! We can't fight them off!" at the words Mikasa snapped to attention and quickly dispatched the titan she'd been hiding from. She landed on a tree closer to Eren.

"Eren," she whispered. "Help us."

Eren's eyes were glassy and dull. Devoid of life. And Mikasa felt true fear for the second time in her fifteen years of life, the first being Trost. Her eyes welled up once more and she gazed at Eren's still form. She almost laughed when the light returned to his eyes. When he roared his anger to the heavens in a warning to all those who opposed him. When he leaped into the fray of titans. Ripping them apart with his hands and teeth.  Ending their lives with a well-executed punch or kick. Fighting with all of his might.

Mikasa followed him, loyally. Her beliefs confirmed when he ignored all of the humans at his feet, being careful to avoid them. She knew he wasn't a monster and would forgive his lapse in control. Mikasa knew he hadn't wanted to. That he had been overruled by his instincts. She cut down a thirteen meter sneaking up behind him and landed next to the splintered medicine wagon. She dutifully ignored the crushed limbs next to it.

"Mikasa!" Armin landed next to her, stumbling. "What it that?"

"Eren," she answered in a whisper. "He's saving us."

Armin sputtered. "But Captain Levi told me he passed the test!"

Mikasa nodded, taking the information in. "It's not unlikely."

"If he knew he could pass then, of course, he would suggest tests!" Armin finished with a gasp. His eyes followed Eren's enormous form. They widened when he caught a glimpse of the things eyes. "It really is Eren."

Eren roared once more, in victory. All the titans vanquished. Levi landed next to them, eyeing Eren warily. "Have either of you seen Eren?"

Mikasa was shocked by the worry in his voice but kept her face smooth and her voice cold. "No, sir. Isn't he supposed to be with you?"

"He was injured. His arm and leg....," Levi shook his head, his already disheveled hair falling into his eyes. "He's not where I left him and Marco's dead."

"Marco's  _dead?_ " Armin practically screeched. Mikasa shot him a quick glare.  _I'll tell you later_ , her coal eyes said and the blond boy gave an imperceivable nod.

If Levi noticed their minute exchange he didn't care. "Yes, he is. I'm sorry, but I need to find Eren. You haven't seen him?"

"Excuse me for speaking out of line, but, has it occurred to you that he might be dead?" she spoke cruelly, her eyes narrowed. Armin gulped. "He's missing an arm and leg, Captain. I find it hard to believe that he escaped the titan that killed Marco."

"You shut your damn mouth!" his eyes burned with fury. "Eren's not fucking dead! He can't be. How can you say that when you claim to love him so damn much?"

Mikasa's mask almost broke in surprise at his tone. He was practically spitting venom at her. She opened her mouth to retort but she never got the chance. The ground vibrated beneath them with a thudding sound that was getting louder and louder.

"Catch him!" Hange's scream reached their hears and they all looked to see Eren running straight for them. Levi's eyes widened. "Hurry! Don't let him get away!"

Eren roared as he neared them and ducked low to the ground, one hand covering his nape with the other outstretched. As if to grab them. Mikasa reacted without thinking and grabbed Armin and Levi, quickly leaping out of the way. Eren whined, his eyes flicking to her face and all she could do was watch as he sprinted away from her sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one, besides the obvious, is gonna find out about Eren just yet. So, don't get too excited. There's still more conflict with Reiner and Bertoldt before we get into that.


	11. elf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF TORTURE IN THE CHAPTER. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS PLEASE DON'T CONTINUE.
> 
> If not then enjoy.

Levi stared, with wide eyes, at the forest where the Rogue Titan had disappeared into. The dark gloom seemed to swirl under his gaze and he found it hard to breathe. The sky darkened and rain fell onto the earth, washing away blood and gore.  _He'_ _s gone,_ he thought, numbly.  _Eren's  gone._

He felt sick. He swallowed the back the bile and inhaled through his mouth, sucking in air shakily. Levi wished he was numb. Anything to stop this pain. He remembered Isabel's bright eyes and smile, always mischievous. He remembered Farlan's playful smirks and glares. He remembered them all cuddling for warmth in the Underground. Fighting together. He remembered their deaths, vividly. Levi would remember it for the rest of his life. Isabel's face frozen in fear, tears drying on her cheeks. Farlan's face twisted in despair.

They haunted him.

But with Eren, Levi knew he'd be fine. Knew Eren would hold him together if he broke. He depended on Eren. He  _needed_ Eren. More than he needed air to breathe. There was no Levi if there was no Eren. Levi knew this was unhealthy. That it was close to obsession, but it was love. Unconditional love in its purest form.  _ Eren.  _ He'd get him back. He'd get Eren back. Back to him. To where he belongs.

"Captain?" it was Mikasa, one of Eren's closest friends, who snapped him out of his thoughts. Levi fought back the urge to snarl and shoved his emotions into the deepest, darkest corner of his mind for now. He turned to her, face impassive, and inwardly reveled at the open shock on her face.

"Yes?" he kept his voice clipped and short. She seemed to frown, a brief pinch in her brow before her stone cold exterior was back up. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. "What do you want, Ackerman?"

Mikasa regarded him with questioning eyes for a moment. "You said Eren's gone."

"I did," Levi nodded, staring at her knowing eyes blankly. "I thought you didn't care?"

Armin sputtered from beside Mikasa and Levi's gaze flitted to him for a moment. "Of course we care!"

"Hmm. You have an odd way of showing it, brats," his voice was thankfully steady while he felt like he was breaking. "I don't have time for this."

He stormed off only to be stopped by Mikasa's grip on his arm. "What about Eren?"

"I'm going to find him," he spoke softly contradicting the stern sincerity in his voice. Levi didn't look at Mikasa, waited until her grip loosened. He spun on his heel and quickly made his way to Hange and Erwin. They had an expedition to plan.

~~~~~~~~~~

_It's a week after his lessons before the human test on him again. He knew, from experience, that the tests after breaks are worst than most. He's scared and he hated it. He whined at the thought of the drill and the salt. This session was going to be so much worse. He could sense it, taste it in the air._

_"Orders, sir?" the human in his cage gazed down at him in sympathy. He felt sick._

_"We're testing his healing today," the man said, his voice commanding as always. He hated him. "You know what to do."_

_ "Yes sir," the human, who he now knew to be female thanks to his lessons, brought the scalpel to his stomach. She sliced down the middle and he cried. Hot, fat tears rolling down his cheeks, over his lips, and onto his neck. She bit her lip and closed her eyes as she delved inside him. It doesn't hurt like he thought it would. All he felt is a strange pressure on his stomach and he allowed himself to relax. _

_It was a mistake to trust her._

_He screamed when she ripped out his stomach, blood spraying everywhere. And he used his newly acquired knowledge to shake his head. To plead, without words, for mercy. It gave her pause and she set the stomach besides the scalpel on the metal tray. "Sir?"_

_"Continue," the man's voice was hard, determined. He wished he could see him. He wanted the man to know that if he ever escaped he would kill him._

_ "Of course, sir," she watched the stomach as it started steaming for a moment before she shook her head. He whined at her. It proved useless. She continued to pull organs from his body. Over and over and over, just to see how fast they healed when he was under stress. _

_His throat ached and he coughed up blood. His vision blurred. He was so tired. "That's enough," he almost cried in relief when she stopped. "Move on," she nodded and pulled out a new metal contraption he'd never seen before. He sniffed curiously but all he could smell was his blood. She smiled at him sadly and he screamed, somehow louder than before as she slowly peeled his skin off._

_She switched tools all throughout the night. She tore him apart over and over and over again. All under the cruel humans order. He ordered her to sever his limbs and rupture his organs. To set him on fire. To douse him in acid. All to see which was more harmful and which he healed faster from. He screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. Begging for it to just stop._

It never did.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Levi found Hange they were, thankfully, screaming at Erwin. He sighed as their unholy screeching reached his ears. "But Erwin, I was  _so close_! If you'd given me some more time I would've captured him!"

"You and I both know that's not true," Erwin spoke softly. It was clear he was trying to soothe Hange. They were not having it.

"Yes, it is! It's your fault I lost such a valuable specimen!" they stabbed a finger into his chest, aggressively. "I demand payback! At least ten meters."

Erwin nodded, amused. "Of course."

Hange sighed and smiles dreamily. "He had such a beautiful smile."

"Of course you'd think that the creepy ass titan is attractive," Levi muttered as he made his way to them. Hange looked at him in surprise.

"Of course I would! Are you saying that he's ugly?" they made a face at the thought and Levi sighed. He ignored them in favor of Erwin.

"We need to talk."

~~~~~~~~~~

_"Hello again, Hunter," Zeke chuckled. Armed with texts and paper. He watched him warily. He used to trust this man, considered him family even, but that was before. He rumbled in greeting. "No, Hunter. Use your words."_

_He huffed and forced his lips to form the words he wanted to use. "Hello, Zeke," he said, the words coming out slow and deliberate. He had to carefully pick them instead of letting them flow. At least Zeke looked happy at the effort._

_"Great job. Much better than the last session," the bespectacled man praised. Relief washed over him. That was good. "Can you tell what we went over last week?" Zeke used gestures when he spoke. He was grateful for that._

_"No, yes," he shook his head and nodded. "Sleep," he closed his eyes. Next, he pawed at his mouth. "Eat," he pointed at himself. "Titan," then he pointed at Zeke. "Human."_

_"Good," Zeke mumbled, scribbling on his wooden slab. He pointed at it and trilled in question. "Clipboard."_

_"Clipboard," he chirped. Zeke smiled at him. He preened under the positive attention._

_Zeke went over a few more words, some of which he already knew. Words including ,  mean, nice, steam, big, small sun, water, drill, salt, hot, test and_ _punish. He growled at the last two and Zeke shot him a glare. He quieted after that. He didn't want to be punished. _

_ Their lesson continued every day after that. Which meant no more tests. He couldn't have been happier. He was introduced to the alphabet, which looked like strange scratches to him, and books. Books confused him greatly, mostly because of his inability to read. Thankfully, Zeke took everything slowly. A couple of weeks after the start of his lessons and he could read, albeit slowly. He loved it. Though he still had trouble speaking. _

_It was after he'd mastered the art of reading that the lessons stopped and the tests started up again. They were much worse than they'd ever been and he found himself wishing for death. The only good thing was his books. They weren't the stories Zeke had read to him. They were textbooks. Books on anatomy, titans, forests, medicine, and animal habitats. He loved them._

_"Start him on the serums today," the voice spoke, almost frantically. It was, as always, a bit muddled. "We're running out of time."_

_"No."_

_"What was that?"_

_The female inhaled and started undoing his binds. "No. I'm not doing your dirty work anymore. I'm not torturing this child anymore just because you think he's a titan. You're sick!"_

_ The voice didn't respond and she smiled. When he was free he stared at her in mute shock. The moment was interrupted by the metal door bursting open. In came a man with long brown hair tied back and green eyes. He was dressed nicely, with a long white coat. "Hunter," he rasped. "I'm getting you out of here." _

_ The woman next to him gasped and tried to grab him. He ran away from her and grabbed his books. He didn't know who to trust. He whined. _

The man seemed to understand. " _I'm your father. Grisha._ _I've been looking for you, Hunter. I'm here to take you home," he soothed. That gave him some pause. Take him home? Home? Could he go home? "Come now, you can trust me."_

_He moved towards Grisha. The woman grabbed him by the shoulder. "No! Don't trust him! He's the man behind all of this!"_

_"Let go of my son," Grisha snarled. "I'm taking him with me if it's the last thing I do."_

_"Over my dead body!" she hissed._

_"Dina, let. Him. Go."_

_He whined. He didn't know what to do. Who to trust. The man said he was his father, but the woman said he was that man. Wait, isn't the woman the one who's been torturing him? Sure, it was under that man's orders, but still, she always had the choice to stop. He'd made his decision. He wrenched his shoulder from her grasp and ran to Grisha. The man smiled at him._

_"Let's go home," he nodded and made to follow the man._

_"Wait!" he turned to the woman. "Please don't go! He'll only hurt you!"_

_He sneered at her. "Do not forget what were done to me. What you did."_

_ She stopped and he turned his back on her. On his torment. His lips quirked upwards at the thought. _

_Or so he thought._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

"I'm sorry, Levi. We can't do that," Erwin spoke softly, his eyes sympathetic. Levi wanted to punch that look right off of his face.

"The hell you can't," he hissed. "I don't give two fucks how much it's going to cost you. You  _are_ going to help me get Eren back or I'm leaving."

Erwin's eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"

"You heard, you pompous ass," Levi didn't have time for this. "You help me or I quit. Either way, I'm getting Eren back."

"You can't be serious, Levi!" Erwin raised his voice slightly, panic settling in his eyes. "Humanity needs you!"

"And I need Eren. Think this through carefully, Commander. If I don't get an answer by morning I'll leave. Thank you for your time," Levi said, coldly. "I'm sure you'll make the right choice," and with that he exited the room, quickly, leaving Erwin in shocked silence.

"Levi....."

~~~~~~~~~

_He was seven, or so his father told him when he can speak without much difficulty. He was seven when his father started giving him medicine._

_"Father? What is that?" he eyed the needle warily. The pale white fluid in it shining oddly in the sun. He didn't like it._

_ "It's your medicine," Grisha smiled at him. It sent shivers down his spine and he scolded himself. This was his father. Who loved him. Who hadn't hurt him since they escaped when he was six. He could trust him. _

_If only he knew._

_ "Okay," he inhaled deeply through his nose when Grisha injected it into his arm. It was cold in his veins. Made him feel heavy. _

_"Sadly, you have the same disease as your mother. We didn't have medicine for it back then. It killed her," the green-eyed man spoke sadly, voice thick with grief. He felt his own welling up in his throat and he hugged his father._

_ Grisha sighed and hugged him back. He closed his eyes. "What was she like?" _

_ "Your mother was the kindest person I'd ever met. She always smiled, even when she was having a bad day, and tried to cheer up others. She was very loving and forgiving. I loved her," Grisha smiled sadly. "I didn't deserve her." _

_"I wish I could have met her," he rasped. His father chuckled at him._

_"She loved you," his father patted his back and released him from his embrace. "She loved you very much, Hunter Jaeger. And she would be very proud of you."_

_He looked up at his father. "Really?"_

_ "Of course! You were all she ever talked about. Hunter Jaeger this and that. Though, now that I think about we named you Hunter Hunter." _

_"Jaeger?"_

_ "It's our family name," Grisha patted his head. "Your name." _

_"My name," he giggled. Jaeger, a voice in his head whispered. He smiled. It felt right, unlike Hunter, even if they did mean the same thing. Jaeger's lips quirked up before pressing into a thin line._

_ He felt sick. His skin felt hot. His head hurt. His vision blurred and he couldn't hear anymore. He groaned and slumped forward, Grisha catching him. "The medicine seems to be kicking in. Interesting. We'd better get you to bed." _

_ He gagged and let Grisha tuck him in. It was fine. His father said the medicine would help and, so it would. He'd never hurt Jaeger. He loved him. _

_He'd never been more wrong._

~~~~~~~~~~

"You did  _what?_ " Hange yelled, waving their hands in the air frantically. Levi watched, annoyed.

"I told him to help me or I'd leave," he sighed. "I gave him three days to give me an answer."

"And if he doesn't?"

Levi shrugged. "Then I leave."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" they fisted their hands in their hair. Levi snorted.

"Probably not, but I'm doing it anyway. Die trying and all that shit."

"But Levi, think of everyone you're abandoning," they hushed him when he tried to protest. "I understand where you're coming from, I do, but, Levi, Eren might not even be alive."

"Shut the fuck up!" he hissed. "Eren is  _not_ fucking dead. He's  _alive_ and I'm going to find him," he got up to leave.

"Levi..."

The short man turned to look at his friend. "I'll tell you what I told Erwin. I'm getting Eren back, with or without your help. It doesn't matter to me."

"Is he worth it?"

"He's more than worth that, Hange."

~~~~~~~~~~

_ Jaeger was eight when Grisha started giving him new medicines. Medicines that burned its way through his blood, searing his heart and brain. It hurt, much like acid. But he had to listen to his father. It would make him better. The medicines would cure him. Or so Grisha said. Jaeger's not sure he believed him anymore. _

_He didn't say that out loud._

_ Grisha sometimes yelled him but it's fine. Jaeger deserved it. He kept throwing up his food. Good boys don't throw up their food. He wasn't a good boy. Grisha said so himself. On multiple occasions. _

_Jaeger started to resent him._

_ Grisha still showered him with praise and love, though. Still injected the golden fluid into his arm, muttering about "chemical reactions," under his breath. It confused Jaeger, but he assumed it had something to do with his medicine. It never affected Jaeger, except a heat that pooled in his gut. When he told Grisha about this he smiled and that medicine was never given to Jaeger again. _

_ Instead, he moved on to the pain-inducing medicines. They reminded him of his torture and he begged Grisha to stop. He didn't because Jaeger needed this treatment to live. He didn't buy it. _

_ Grisha Jaeger was lying to him. Had been for a while. _

_Jaeger hated him for it._

_ "It's time for your medicine!" Grisha called to him from inside their tent. They'd finally settled down in a cove surrounded by rock that towered over them. Jaeger didn't like it. He'd liked the big, gaping cave they'd passed before coming here. He sighed as he sat in front of his father. _

_ "Is this the last shot?" he asked the same question every time only to be met with the same answer every time. _

_ "Of course not, Hunter. You'll need to be treated consistently your whole life to fight your disease." _

_ Jaeger frowned and stuck his arm out, expectantly. Grisha laughed at him and quickly gave him his shot. Jaeger sat there, unflinching, as he did so. It happened too much for him to be scared of the needle, though it did still make him uneasy. Grisha started giving him more and more "medicine" every day. _

_It had started to scare him._

_~~~~~~~~~~_

It's the second day already and Levi is already ready to go. He didn't want to sit around for three days doing  _absolutely nothing._  So, he sets of to interrogate Arlert and Ackerman. They know something and he'd find out before he left. He rounded the corner on his way to the barracks when he heard it. Whispering.  _Who the fuck is that?_ he thought to himself as he edged closer. He recognized those voices.  _Arlert  and Ackerman._

"Do you think we should tell him?" Arlert whispered, his voice wavering. Levi's eyes narrowed in suspicion and he quickly hid from sight.

"No," Ackerman. "Eren should tell Levi himself," she talked lowly, barely above a whisper. What she said made Levi pause.  _Tell me what?_

"I don't think Eren will ever tell him if he can help it," Arlert admitted quietly. He breathed shakily. "It's a pretty big secret."

Ackerman hummed in acknowledgment. "And if we're taking his feelings for the Captain in consideration, too, it's likely that he'll never tell him. But, Armin, how is he going to explain growing back two limbs?"

Levi's breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened. So lost in his shock was he that he almost missed Arlert's answer. "I don't know, Mikasa. I just hope he's okay."

"I do too," with that Levi assumed they were done. He left as fast as his legs could carry him and locked himself in his office.

"What the hell?" he asked the walls surrounding him, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.  _What can regenerate limbs, but looks human?_

It took an embarrassingly long amount of time for him to figure it out, but when he did it all made sense. It felt like he'd found the missing piece to a difficult puzzle. Eren's eating habits, the retching that came from his room every night, and his strength. "Titan shifter," he breathed, hands fisting in his hair. But Eren passed the tests, didn't he?

Levi sighed. He needed to talk to Hange.

~~~~~~~~~~

_Jaeger was nine when he finally broke. He'd been trying so hard to control his anger when suddenly blood was filling his mouth._

_ It was a day like any other. Grisha had given Jaeger a new medicine that gave him a headache and scribbled something down in his notebook before leaving. He, as always, left when he finished, warning Jaeger to leave his notebooks alone. _

_He didn't listen._

_Jaeger was feeling mischievous this particular morning and, as all kids do, wanted to do something he wasn't supposed to do. He read the notebooks. They angered him, clouding his vision in red._

_**Entry #1:** ** Our newest subject, Hunter, has finally turned back into a human. It seems all of our attempts at combining titan and human DNA have finally succeeded in Hunter. He's the perfect mix, a hybrid if you will. It's truly magnificent. He reacts to pain exactly as a human would, none of the dull senses titans have, and heals like a titan would. ** _

_**Entry #2:** **We've performed various tests such as the following: rupturing his organs, peeling his skin off, slicing his eyes open, and drilling holes in his brain. He recovered from all of them completely with no side effects.** _

_**Entry #3:** ** The lab has been destroyed so I've taken matters into my own hands. I've taken Hunter and will be continuing my tests. He reacts to stimulants like a human, but depressants do not affect him. Other serums of my own creation that are meant to better the human body do nothing for him, but give him headaches. He reacts to aphrodisiacs, especially if they're inhaled, just like a human. Maybe stronger with his titan instincts. He does eat, but he throws it up like a titan. He seems to gain more nutrients from the sun. I wonder how he would react with human flesh? **_

_ Jaeger was, needless to say, disgusted. This man used aphrodisiacs on him? Drugged him? All to see if he would react like a human? Disgusting. Jaeger calmly collected the notebooks and waited for his "father" to come home. He was going to pay. _

_ "I'm back!" Grisha called. "I have apples this time. Let's see if you can stomach them, hmm?" _

_ Jaeger stared at the man with narrowed eyes. In his arms the notebooks. Grisha noticed this and he dropped the apples, his eyes darkening. Jaeger snarled and held them teasingly over their campfire. Grisha took a threatening step forward. "Stop or I'll throw these into the fire." _

_ Grisha stopped, his lips twisted into a frown. "I told you not to mess with them, Hunter." _

_ "Stop calling me that!" Jaeger shouted. Grisha shut his mouth. "Tell me why." _

_"Because I had to! Humanity needed a way to kill titan's and what better way than to use titans?" the bespectacled man looked crazy as he laughed. "You were just convenient."_

_"How much of what you told me are lies?"_

_ Grisha's laughter slowly died down. "Everything I told you about our family is true. Your mother loved you and I'm your father." _

_ "Why?" it was whispered, tears running down his face. His hand shook. _

_ "Because you were convenient," Grisha sighed. "I'd already started my experiments when you were in the womb. I had to perform a cesarean section two months early or you would've killed your mother. I told her you'd died. That night I took you and left." _

_"You are still not telling me why," Jaeger hissed, menacingly. A growl emanated from his chest, low and deep._

_ "That's for you to find out for yourself, Eren." _

_Jaeger snarled and threw the notebooks into the fire. The fire popped and cracked as they burned up. Or was that Jaeger? He didn't know anymore. His vision clouded in red and he roared. He lunged at Grisha, his last coherent thoughts focused on Grisha's fear, his own large hand, the name Eren, and the delicious flavor coating his tongue._

~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh my Goddess, Levi! It's amazing!"

Levi winced at their screeched praises. "Goddessdamnit, Hange. Can you be any louder?"

"Yes!"

"Stop, don't you dare go there. What did you find?" the short man rubbed at his temples tiredly. It was the third day already. He'd spent most of the second night with Hange as they ran tests on Eren's blood.

Hange cackled maniacally. Levi paused. It'd been a while since he'd last heard that dreadful sound. This must be big. "Indeed it is my friend! Unlike you!"

He'd said that out loud? "Oi, get to the fucking point already. You dipshit," Levi grumbled under his breath.

"Of course! Now, after many tests and even more tests after that, I've found something that will blow your mind!"

"What is it, shitty glasses? Spit it out already. I don't have all goddessdamn day."

Hange laughed like that was the funniest thing they'd ever heard. "Okay, get ready. Are you ready?"

"I swear to the Walls that if you don't tell me I will skin Moblit and hang him in your bathroom!"

"Not Mobby!" they gasped and even teared up. Levi counted to ten and then twenty in his head.

"Tell. Me."

They patted him on the head, affectionately. "Okay Mr. Grumpy Face. Get this! Our little Eren is a hybrid between titan  _and_ human! Titan being the most dominant part, like in a trait. But they're also perfectly balanced so he's not a danger to humanity!"

"Holy shit balls," Levi's brain stopped for a moment. "How is that even possible?"

"My theory is he must've been experimented on at some point in his life. Perhaps at a young age?" they tapped their chin thoughtfully.

"Holy shit balls," Levi repeated.

"I know, Levi! Isn't this all so exciting?" they went to hug him. Levi grabbed them by their greasy hair and pulled them down to his eye level. Curse his not-so-tall height.

"Listen to me. This stays between us, you got that? If anyone else finds out who knows what they'll do to Eren," they nodded with a wide smile. Levi shuddered at the amount of plaque on their teeth. He let them go and wiped his hand on their uniform. "Fucking disgusting. When was the last time you took a bath or at least brushed your damn teeth?"

They scratched their head. "Two weeks ago? I don't know. It's been a while."

"Obviously, go clean yourself. Now," they opened their mouth to argue but Levi didn't let them. "Unless you want me to do it for you again?"

"No. That's not necessary. I'll do it!" they scurried off quickly and ran into a hard chest on their way out. "Erwin! Long time no see!"

The blond man looked at them. "Have you seen Levi?"

"Yeah, he's in there," they pointed towards their lab and ran off. Levi walked out of the lab to catch a glimpse of them rounding a corner. He closed the door behind him.

"Erwin," he nodded his head, his eyes hardening. Erwin sighed and raised his hands in defeat.

"You win, Levi. I've already prepared for the expedition. It's small but well equipped. You leave today."

Levi smirked. "Glad you saw it my way. Let's go." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of stuff happens in this chapter, but at the same time nothing happens. Lol I'm a great writer (can you feel the sarcasm). Also, this is the longest chapter I've written so far at 4435 words. I'm low-key proud. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and hope for your continued support!


	12. zwölf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has some time to think, which isn't a good thing. Mikasa confesses some of her fears to Armin. Levi confides in Eren. Hange makes a minor discovery. A expedition is sent to retrieve Levi and Eren. A lot of minor but not so minor things happen.

He came back to himself in bits and pieces. First, he got his name back.  _ Eren Jaeger.  _ Then, he got a rush of memories. Memories of training, laughing and crying. Next comes memories of pain, torture, and despair. He didn't want to remember it. But, then again, you rarely get what you want in this cruel yet beautiful world. Eren hated it. He hated the memories that drowned him in his past sorrows. Hated them almost as much as he hated his evil kin. He didn't want to remember.

His body trembled as it attempted to shrink back into his smaller form. It tried to morph, to shift, but it was in vain. Eren was stuck in his titan form. He shivered at the thought of never being able to be human again. He let out a jet of steam and grumbled. He was tired. So tired. Luckily, he'd unconsciously walked to his cave. With a small trill, Eren stepped over the many rocks and into a nest of leaves. They crumpled and he frowned at the sight. No longer were they soft and green. Instead, they were rough against his skin and a dark shade of brown. Eren knew that this would happen, as it was nature, but he couldn't help but feel disappointed. Maybe even a little sad.

With a sigh, he adjusted his body and tried his best to settle in comfortably among the dead leaves. Eren breathed in the musty air and found his brain wandering, against his tired body's wishes. Why would his father do those things to him? What was there to gain? Why was he doing it? What was he trying to accomplish? Why on his son _?_ Was he paid to do it? What  could possibly be more important than his own son _?_ Eren had too many questions. Too many with no answers. And he hated it.

He found himself hating a lot of things.

He hated his father for experimenting on him. He hated Zeke for betraying him. He hated Dina for not fighting harder. But, most of all, he hated himself. He hated that he'd let it happen when he'd always had the power to  _stop_  it. He hated that he was too  _weak_. He hated that he wasn't a human. He hated that he wasn't a titan. He hated that he was a  _monster._

Yes, Eren Jaeger hated a lot of things.

And, the one person he could never hate, was far away from him.  _Levi._  Eren whimpered and curled up in the leaves around him. A faint breeze hit his naked skin. He missed Levi. Would he ever see him again? Eren whined at the thought of never again laying eyes on the short man. He hoped he could see him soon. He wanted to see him now. Eren wanted Levi. Did he deserve him? No, he didn't. Levi deserved much more than a monster. He didn't deserve all of the broken parts that made Eren up. Levi deserved the world. And the least Eren could do is give it to him.

Eren whimpered into his arm, his eyes welling up with tears. It was all over now. He'd never see Levi or Armin and Mikasa ever again. They, at best, thought him dead. If not, then they knew and that terrified Eren. Surely, they'd hate him now. They'd never want to be around him, to see him, to even speak his name. The very thought pained Eren. And he wailed his misery to the world, his cries echoing throughout his cave. He missed his flowers so much. If only he'd been able to grab them. If only Mikasa hadn't jumped out of the way. He would have them all with him, curled on his gargantuan chest. They would smile at him and accept him for all that he was. A titan, a human, maybe a monster. They would love him and let him love them in return.

Eren wanted so many things that he couldn't have.

He wanted his flowers. He wanted Mikasa, Armin, and Levi. He wanted to hide them away from the world and keep them safe. He wanted to kiss Levi, to trace the lines of his face, to run his fingers through his hair, to gaze into his eyes, to  _love_ him. And Eren wondered, did Levi want that too? Did Levi lay awake at night thinking of him? Did he long to hold Eren in his arms as Eren longed to hold him? Did he? Did Levi love him? He snorted. How preposterous. Levi loving him?  _Ridiculous,_ he thought to himself, hands coming up to prod his exposed teeth. He must look like he'd crawled straight out of someone's nightmares.

Eren growled and rolled onto his left side, facing the entrance of the cave. He should tell Levi. Tell Levi everything. He deserved to know. And, while he was at it, he should tell Armin and Mikasa. He realized he'd need to tell Hange too as they'd been the one to treat his wounds. And they would want to experiment on him. Suddenly, Eren wasn't too willing to participate in their experiments as he once was. He was already dreading it.

On the bright side, if he told them they might be able to help him find his mother. Assuming she was alive, that is. Maybe she was. Grisha did say the story of her death was a lie so. It was very possible that she was, indeed, alive. Maybe she missed him. Maybe she thought of him. Of the child that she had been robbed of. Maybe she hated Grisha as much as he himself did. Maybe she loved Grisha. Maybe she loved Eren. Maybe, if he found her, she would still love him. Eren keened out a low, pained trill. These thoughts hurt him. Yet still, they pestered his mind. He needed a distraction.

With a huff of steam, he got up and rifled through his belongings. Thankfully, they were all in good condition. The books he'd had for years still in fair condition, which was an extremely pleasant surprise. Eren purred at the sight and used his nails to gently flip through the anatomy book. His favorite. It had always fascinated him. The way titans were so similar to humans, but still so completely different. He put the book back to rest among the others, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest. Eren kept purring as he went through his treasures. The nostalgia thoroughly distracting him from his anguish. He paused, his big hands fiddling with a bowl when he noticed a faint gold glimmer. With curious fingers, he carefully snatched the glint up and peered at it. It was a key. A simple, golden key tied to a leather cord. Nothing special yet still it felt important. The thought of losing it filled him with an indiscernible sense of doom and dread. Eren wrapped it around his pinkie finger, securely, and went to lay back down. He stayed like that for long, long time, his mind finally silent. He watched as the sun rose and set, too many times, before deciding to stretch his limbs.

The behemoth yawned, a jet of steam leaving his gaping maw, and swung his legs out of his nest. Eren let out a trill and began reacquainting himself with his territory. He looked over the trees, crouched to gaze at the animals, and kicked at the streams. Having put his problems behind him - for now - he enjoyed himself. He didn't expect to hear the tell-tale whirring sound of the scout's gear. Eren froze, his pointed ears swiveling to pinpoint the direction in which it was coming from. He ran to it, his feet leaving deep furrows on the forest floor. When the dreaded familiar scent of titan and the unforgettable scent of his beloved reached his nose panic engulfed him and he roared.

No one was taking  _his_ Levi from him.

He burst into the clearing and almost blanched at the sheer amount of titans swarming this small group of humans. They were five humans in all, Levi among them, and Eren counted twenty titans. In the back of his mind, he dimly wondered why only five humans had ventured out of the safety of their Walls. That thought was drowned out by the instinctive need to protect and kill. He threw himself into the fray and roared his anger. He threw kicks and punches. Bit and scratched. He stomped and ripped.  _Threat,_ his mind seethed.  _Protect mate._ And Eren did. He killed every titan in his way. He absolutely slaughtered them and he only stopped when he was absolutely sure that they were all dead. That Levi was safe. He growled low in his chest, senses searching for Levi. He found him quickly.

The man was staring at him with something akin to awe. His gun-metal blue eyes were wide and his mouth was agape in wonder. Eren almost preened at the sight. The moment was interrupted by a strawberry blonde woman's enraged cry. "Get away from him!"

Eren jerked his head in response and dodged her blades swiftly. He grumbled in annoyance and snatched her wires before she could get away. She screamed at the sudden shift and he huffed. He set her on a tree branch gently, ignoring her confused gaze, and turned to the rest of the humans. The new ones were staring at him in surprise while Levi only smirked. Eren quickly reached down and snatched Levi up. He stared them down for a bit before he roared at them and ran to his cave, making sure to mislead them. It seemed the steam he expelled was useful after all. Levi laughed. "About time I found you, brat."

~~~

Mikasa was worried. Her mind was lost in a raging torrent of concern after concern. She couldn't focus on anything but Eren. What if he was dead? What if he was dying  _right now?  _ At this very moment? What if he wasn't dead but struggling to survive? What if he thought that they'd forgotten about him? What if he thought that, now that they knew his secret, they didn't love him anymore?

"Mikasa?" Armin's concerned murmur snapped her out of her thoughts and she let her hands drop away from her scarf. It was tattered enough without her fiddling with it. Eren should get her a new one. At the thought of Eren, the worries rushed back to the forefront of her mind. "Mikasa," Armin called her again and she angrily tore her hands away from her scarf. How annoying. "It's okay. Levi will find Eren and he will be okay. We have to believe that. We have to trust Levi."

"How can I trust him, Armin?" her voice was harsh and rough from disuse. She hadn't spoken since Levi left. That was three weeks ago. Mikasa hated waiting. "He hasn't done anything to earn my trust."

Armin smiled at her. "Then trust him for Eren."

"It's not that simple," she sighed and Armin nodded in agreement. Her fingers reach up for her scarf and she huffed angrily. She was on edge. Her voice was thick with unshed tears when she spoke again. "It's been three weeks, Ar. What if he's dead?"

"Mikasa," Armin sighed, his eyes tired. She felt bad for the bags under his eyes knowing she was the cause of them. "Eren's not dead. You saw him. He's a titan shifter. He has an advantage, 'Kasa. If anyone can survive on their own it's Eren."

"Even with that, anything can happen. That doesn't necessarily mean he's invulnerable," Mikasa paused. Her fingers are clenching the belts of ger gear tightly. "I can't do this, Ar. I can't wait."

"We can't go out there on our own, 'Kasa. If we were ready then they'd have let us go with Levi," he said it, softy, as if afraid to upset her. "You need to stop treating Eren like a child. He's stronger than both of us and we really don't know anything about him. We don't know anything about his past. Before he saved us and Miss Carla."

Mikasa ignored him and delved into her memories of Eren. She found that Armin was right. In all of their time together, Eren had refused to talk about his past. She'd always left it at that. She'd always been content to do what he'd wanted, but now she knew better. Eren had been through something she'd never be able to imagine. Something horrible. And all she'd been really worried about was herself. How could she be so selfish? "We're terrible friends, aren't we?"

"No, we're not," at her glare he elaborated. "We tried our best with the information we had and yes, we could've tried harder to learn more about Eren. But that would have undoubtedly made things much worse. There was not much we could've done in the end. If we had pursued his past, we'd have pushed him into a corner and you know how he is. He would've closed himself off and we'd have gotten nowhere."

"I was so selfish," she whispered. "All this time, in thinking of what was best for Eren, I've only really been thinking of myself."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," he patted her shoulder reassuringly. "It's human nature to be selfish. You did nothing wrong."

"I did."

After that, the conversation died down and they were left in silence. Finally, Armin spoke back up. "What do you mean?"

"Armin, have I ever asked Eren what he wanted?" he opened his mouth to answer, she spoke before he could. "And if he tried to do what he wanted, I said no. It was always  _too_ dangerous,  _too_ risky. I didn't, don't, want to lose him. I can't lose him, Ar. I  _can't,_ " she spoke softly, her voice thick with grief and unshed tears. "But, if I keep acting that way, I will. I might have lost him already and the very thought terrifies me."

"Mikasa," Armin looked at her with soft eyes. "You know Eren. He's not like that. If he hated your constant, well,  _nagging,_ then he'd tell you. Eren's very blunt and brutally honest at times," he chuckled. "If I had to guess, I'd say he likes it. He likes having someone worry about him. It makes him feel loved. That's why he worries about us all the time. It's him returning our love. It's okay, 'Kasa. You've done nothing wrong."

She sniffed and looked away from him. "I feel like I did, Ar."

Armin didn't speak and Mikasa knew why. She sighed. She was right. Armin knew that. Eren knew that. Everyone knew. How could she have done this? How could she have let her need for family blind her so much? Suddenly, Armin's bony arms were around her and she let out a choked cry. They tightened and she understood what he was trying to say without words.  _Cry. Lean on me. It's okay._ She did. She cried and cried and cried and cried. She cried for everything she'd ever lost. She cried for her parents, for Carla, for Armin, for Eren. But, most importantly, she cried for herself. And it felt good, uplifting. Freeing.

After a few minutes, she pulled away from his embrace and wiped her tears away. Armin watched her with concerned eyes, but she waved him off. After composing herself, she got up and offered a hand to Armin. Her other hand went to fiddle with her scarf, she let it. Armin took her hand, his eyes full of questions. She answered him with a soft smile. "Let's go find Eren."

~~~

Levi couldn't be happier. Well, yes, he could, but he'd rather not think about why. Instead, he chose to focus on the fact that he'd found Eren, albeit titan Eren. He was ecstatic. He'd found Eren. He couldn't even bring himself to mind that Eren had picked him up with his dirty,  _gigantic,_  hands. Levi pushed that particular thought from his mind. Now was not the time. He looked up at Eren or, at least, he tried to. It wasn't easy from his position in Eren's hand. Eren hadn't given him much wiggle room. Levi almost huffed when he failed to move yet again. He felt rather than heard Eren's responding rumble. It resonated from deep within his gargantuan chest and it vibrated throughout Levi's body. He involuntarily shivered as it passed, leaving his body tingling. He didn't want to acknowledge the fear that had run through him at the sound. He refused to. How could he ever be scared of Eren?

Eren's chest rumbled again and Levi hated himself.  _This is Eren! _he scolded himself.  _He'd never hurt you!_ He knew this. He knew Eren would never hurt him, but that didn't stop the fear from creeping into his heart. And he knew it wasn't from the fact that Eren was a titan. No, this fear stemmed from something else. Something hidden away deep inside of him. The fear to love and be loved in return.  _Will he die too?_

Levi shook his head, his brows furrowing in anger.  _Stop it,_ he seethed.  _Stop. It._ But it was too late. The fear had already settled down in his heart and there would be no moving it until it was proven wrong. Eren crooned in concern from above him, his big doleful eyes gazing down at him in concern. Levi smiled weakly. "I'm fine," Eren's eyes narrowed and he growled. He clearly didn't believe Levi. "Just thinking about some stupid shit."

It sounded weak even to his own ears. Levi hated it.

Eren huffed and continued his march. Levi didn't know where they were going but he hoped it was somewhere sheltered. It looked like it was going to rain soon. The sky thundered overhead and Eren set Levi carefully onto his shoulder and picked his pace up to a run. Levi yelped a bit as he was jostled unexpectedly and gripped the thick strands of Eren's hair tightly. Soon a cave appeared in front of them and Eren purred at the sight. Levi used his gear and landed in front of the cave, gracefully. Eren waited for him to get inside before following, careful of where he put his limbs. Levi watched him from the far edge of the cave before his eyes wandered. Eren's cave was massive and full. Thousands of leaves littered the floor and vines and moss grew everywhere and was that a tree? It was its own little world. It was beautiful. There was also a huge pile of human things next to where Eren had curled up and Levi found himself wanting to look through it. He didn't get to as Eren scooped him up and set him on his chest. Levi raised a brow at him and huffed when all the titan did was close his eyes.

"Okay," he whispered. He then set to work on ridding himself of his bulky gear. Imperative it may be but that didn't make it any less of a hindrance. Finally, he was free and he tapped Eren on the nose. "Oi, set this down over there."

Eren obeyed with no protests, though he couldn't in his current condition. Levi sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into Eren's warmth. Eren breathed in deeply, his chest rumbling in a content hum. Levi almost laughed, snorting instead. Eren's purr became louder, filling the cave with a gentle warmth. It was nice, Levi decided. Feeling safe and protected. He likes it. For the first time in three weeks, his eyelids felt heavy.

"Don't worry about the whole titan thing," he mumbled, eloquently. "Hange knows. So do Armin and Mikasa. They won't say shit though, so that's nice. They also don't give any fucks. Hange is going to try and experiment on you, the fuckernut. They're stupid," his voice got quieter and quieter. He paused in his rambling and pushed his face into Eren's chest. "I don't really like Hange, at times. They know me too fucking well. Intuitive shit that they are. They know that I'm not okay. That I really fucking miss Izzy and Far," his breath hitched and tears filled his eyes. His voice was gruff with grief. "I really fucking miss them, Eren. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much. And it's pissing me off. I know that they wouldn't want me to be sad, but I can't help it. Fuck. I feel like I'm failing them, Eren. And I know that's not true. Still, I feel like I'm failing them. Like I'm doing something wrong. Far would know what to do, you know? He'd give me damn good advice while Izzy would just hug me. I want that. I want it so much and I miss them. I miss them," he almost sobbed. Then, his voice got abruptly loud again, angry. "But they're not here! They're dead! And I'm still here! I'm still here! I'm still.... here," he trailed off with a whisper and he heard Eren trill in concern. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's okay, everything's fine."

Eren cooed again but Levi had already fallen asleep. His dreams full of screams and tears.

~~~

Hange cackled maniacally as they watched Eren's blood interact with a human's. By the Walls, it was truly a sight to see. Eren's blood was an acid of sorts. It seemed to deteriorate a humans blood. It destroyed it, dissolved it. It was all very fascinating. Hange loved it.

"I wonder what it would do to a titan's blood," they murmured to themself, taking the plate away from the microscope. "Would it be cannibalistic or acidic? Oh! The  _possibilities!_ "

Suddenly, the door to what they called their "lab," but was really just their quarters, burst open. Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert. Mikasa spoke first, her voice determined. "Squad Leader Hange, can we talk? It's about Eren and Levi."

"My not so little Eren and his little love Levi! Yes, come in!" they laughed and gestured to their bed. "Sit! Tell me what's on your minds."

"Well, Levi has been gone for three weeks. That's much longer than what we originally thought," Mikasa paused and when she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. "They could be dead for all we know."

Hange giggled and opened their mouth to respond. Armin beat them to it. "Not that we think that," he gave Mikasa a look. "We just think it'd be in our best interests to send out a search party."

"I know you're worried about our friends, more so for your little titan friend than the munchkin! But, we need to be patient! These things take time. Eren is, most assuredly, alive. As is Levi. But we must assume that is in a bad place mentally," at Mikasa's sharp intake of breath they smiled. "He's most likely hidden away from the world. Levi will find him, though. Don't worry so much."

Mikasa swallowed heavily. "You don't know that."

"I don't, but I have faith," Hange smiled softly. "I'll tell ya what! I'll talk to Erwin and see what we can do, okay? You just wait, alright?"

"Thank you," Armin took Mikasa's arm and made his way to the door. He looked back at Hange, his baby blue eyes full of tears. His voice was thick. "This means a lot to us. Thank you so much."

Hange waved at them as they left. "It's no problem, sweetie."

Hange watched the two soldiers leave and sighed. Their head hurt. Dusting off their uniform, they make their way to Erwin's office. The walk was short and every step added more weight onto their shoulders. They open his door and collapse into the mice leather seat in front of his desk. The blond didn't spare them a glance. "Yes?"

"Arlert and Ackerman are becoming more and more reckless," they sighed. "How much longer will you wait, Erwin?"

Erwin didn't respond and Hange sighed again. Finally, he opened his mouth but a knock on the door interrupted them. He cleared his throat. "Come in."

A soldier came in, panting. "Squad Levi is back!"

"What?" he shared a glance with Hange. "Send them in immediately."

~~~

"Fuck," Erwin cursed when Squad Levi had finally finished their report. "Fuck!"

"So?" Hange giggled from their perch on the window sill. "Whatcha gonna do, Erwin?"

"Retrieve all of Eren's close friends," they gave him a look and he pinched the bridge if his nose. "Don't give that look."

"I'm just kidding! Lighten up, ya worrywart!" they slipped off the sill and skipped to the door. "I'll be back soon!"

Erwin watched them go with tired eyes. "Goddessdamnit, Levi. Why do you have to be so difficult?"

It feels like it has been hours when they finally return with the recruits. "Here we are! Don't scare them too much, dear Commander! Bye!" and with those parting words, Hange left.

Arlert, Ackerman, Springer, Brauss, Kirschstein, Lenz, and Fritz stood before him. He sighed into his hands before composing himself. "For those of you who do not know why you are here, listen up. Squad Levi had returned," he paused and waited for them to soak up the news. "But, unfortunately, they've returned without Levi nor Eren. Their report says that Levi was taken by a titan. That titan was Eren."

"Huh?" Jean Kirschstein blurted out. "Eren? A titan? No way."

"Yes. Our very own Eren Jaeger is a titan shifter or, more accurately, a human shifter," he raised his hand. "If you will let me explain. Eren Jaeger is, as Hange has discovered, a hybrid. He is equally part human and titan. He has regeneration and the strength of a titan and the intelligence and emotions of a human. All without a titan's hunger for our flesh. This is extremely confidential and if any of you let this information leak," he stared each of them down. "You will be executed for treason."

"Why tell us all of this?" Kirschstein once again interrupted. Erwin sighed.

"You will accompany Squad Leader Hange on an expedition to retrieve Levi and Eren. Both of them are crucial to the war. You will retrieve them at any costs. Understand?"

Arlert and Ackerman immediately saluted while the others hesitated. Erwin waited patiently. He wasn't disappointed. "Yes, sir!"

"Good. You leave immediately. Dismissed."

~~~

Mikasa smiled at Armin as they left Commander Erwin's office and headed towards Hange. "We did it, Ar. We're getting Eren back."

"I know," Armin whispered, squeezing her hand. "I know."

"Hold on. Wait just a minute," Jean said from behind them. They stopped and looked back at him. Conny, Sasha, Ymir, and Christa stared at him. "What the fuck is happening?"

"Eren's a hybrid and we have to go save his stupid ass," Ymir explained, dryly. "Oh, and Levi too."

"Ymir!" Christa scolded. She turned to Jean and smiled. "Our friend needs our help."

"He's a fucking titan," Jean said slowly. "Not exactly our friend."

Mikasa grimaced. "He's Eren, my  _brother._ And we're going to save him. Unless you want to get in my way?"

"I know he's still Eren! It's just...," Jean ran a hand through his hair. "All of the sudden he's a titan and I'm supposed to accept this like it's normal?"

"I know that you're confused, Jean," Armin said, softly. "But, he's still the same suicidal bastard he was last week. Nothing's changed about Eren, but your view of him."

Jean glared at him briefly before groaning. "You're right. I can't believe this. That fuck owes me one.  Let's go."

He pushed past Conny and Sasha, the two laughing at him, and marched his way to the stables. The rest followed with smiles on their faces. Mikasa held Armin's hand tighter and played with the frayed ends of her scarf.  _Wait a little longer, Eren._  _We're coming._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter took forever and I'm sorry. I was too distracted with plans for future chapters and the like. This chapter is more of a filler than anything else but I still hope you enjoyed it. I also hope it isn't as rushed as it felt to me. Anyway, please comment! It fuels me!


	13. Chapter 13

I'm revamping this fic completely! That's right, I'm redoing this. I don't like the way the plot is paced or the characterization of certain characters so I'm just starting over. I'll keep this up though. I've made it a part of a series, [from titans to men (who are the real monsters?](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1138196), and I hope you'll like the new one. In this series is the new one. The first chapter is already up! It's kind of short, but it's just the beginning. The pairing(s) and the majority of the plot are the same. I'm not changing everything, don't worry. It will, however, be very different. Please check out [from such great heights to such low sights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050965/chapters/37473149)!

 


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